I first heard the term “high value man” on social media when Kevin Samuels became really popular. I didn’t pay much attention until I dated a self-proclaimed “high value man”. This was a guy who pursued me for years and I finally gave him a chance. The chance I gave was my first mistake. We then began to date and I discovered he was a devout follower of Kevin Samuels. In almost every conversation, he would explain to me how he was a “high value man”. He even asked me “What do you bring to the table?” I should’ve left then but I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. I was ignorant of this “high value man” term and what it meant so I was just letting him talk. But after dating him for 3 months and being utterly drained by the situationship, I decided that I would never in my life date a “high value man” again.
What is a “high value man”?
A “high value man” is a guy who is seen as highly valuable in society due to status, money, and/or physical appearance. According to Kevin Samuels, a “high value man”…
- makes over 6 figures yearly,
- has other high value friends
- has a network and connections
- known by the public as high-value
In a capitalist society, this is a great description of high-value. But in my opinion, status and money don’t make you a valuable romantic partner.
I honestly think the trope of the “high value man” in this context offers the lowest value to women. Women don’t need to be taken care of financially. We are capable of taking care of ourselves. We need to be taken care of emotionally. This requires a man who is not just focused on obtaining status and money. He needs to be emotionally intelligent as well. For years, we have been trying to get men to understand that we have evolved. We need more than just their money and acceptance. We need their understanding, vulnerability, and compassion. If all a man can offer me is status and money, that isn’t valuable to me. It’s a self-centered approach to stroke his own ego.
Why a “high value man” doesn’t bring value
The “high value man” in this context isn’t trying to please his woman by being his best self. He is seeking approval. Anyone who has to add a title to themselves to feel valuable is seeking validation. The worst part of the “high value man” movement is how it devalues women. It has been telling us that we require too much and we just need to accept that if a man looks good, has status, and makes a lot of money then we need to accept what he is bringing to the table. We need to accept his lack of emotional availability. His cheating is also not a problem because this is what you signed up for. It is a manipulative tactic to get women to accept less.
I get it, we live in a City Girl society where women are saying men need to “pay to play”. But that’s not how every woman feels. I myself am no City Girl and I want genuine love. I don’t measure a man’s value by what he can buy me. It is measured by how he makes me feel.
I can say firsthand that the self-proclaimed “high value man” I dated made me feel awful. After chasing me for years, he created an environment where he was the prize and I was the pursuer. It was very weird. I also realized that not only wasn’t he making six figures, but I was making more money than him. But he really had the nerve to fix his lips to call himself high value. The audacity I tell you. But this is what happens when you create a term that gives men the false right to put themselves on a pedestal they don’t belong on. A man who is actually high value doesn’t call himself that, he just exists in his power.
So it all boils down to this simple question; What do you want?
Do you want a relationship where you can brag about your “high value man” because of his status or money? Or do you want a relationship where you feel safe because he values you and your heart because he is not just stable financially, but he’s stable emotionally?
I want you to date men who bring you value, not men who just call themselves high value. There is a difference. Stop allowing society to tell you what your standards should be. Take inventory of your life and your needs. My need for genuine love and connection far outweighs my need to have a man with money and status. I can take care of myself. As long as he too can take care of himself and also take care of me emotionally, then that’s the value I need and I’m looking for. This is your sign to decide what you deem as valuable because these “high value men” aren’t giving what they need to give.