There’s this phenomenon where a guy meets you, gives you all of his attention for the first few weeks, and then begins to distance himself without reason. You’ve done nothing to deserve this sudden distance but now you’re panicking because you think you need to “fix it”. So you’re asking yourself “Should I text him or wait for him to come back around?” It’s an awful feeling that causes confusion and anxiety. I wish I could tell you why men do this but the older I get, the more I accept that I may never understand men and I’m okay with that. But the point of this post is to answer the gnawing question “Should I text him?”
Maybe he’s emotionally unavailable and you got too close and now he wants to distance himself. He could’ve also reconciled with the girlfriend he didn’t tell you he had. You may have taken too long to give him sex or maybe gave him sex and now he accomplished his goal and he wants to move on. Again, I don’t understand these men but these are a few reasons why this phenomenon continues. But the main thing to ask yourself is “What will I gain if I text him?” That’s how I will organize this post. By what you wish to gain and if that motivation is a good enough reason to text him.
Should I Text Him if I Want Clarity?
We live in a society that wants humans to be void of emotions. So void that when you’re disappointed, you don’t care and you can just move on without grieving. Unfortunately, that’s not how healthy human emotions work. When you’re in touch with your feelings and acknowledge them, you’ll feel sad when someone you like begins to distance themselves. You will want to know why and if you can do anything to “fix it”. This is a normal emotional response and you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting this clarity.
So I will say yes, text him if you want clarity. But understand that you can’t control his response. He may lie or he may tell the truth. He may not respond until weeks or months later. Be ready for the many possible outcomes. In my own experiences, I’ve gotten several different responses. Most were the generic “I had a lot going on and I didn’t have time” excuse. I just accepted the clarity and moved on because you shouldn’t have to chase anyone or force them to give you the attention and affection you desire. Don’t overthink it, and don’t keep asking more questions if you don’t get the answer you expect or want. It’s a shorter journey to just move on versus trying to read their mind or change their mind.
Should I Text Him if I Want Closure?
Closure is always a tricky subject because most times we don’t want closure, we really just want a remedy to our hurt feelings. We think an apology or explanation will help us feel better about the end of something. Unfortunately, hurt feelings still need time to recover. But getting closure isn’t a bad thing so if you can get it then, by all means, go ahead and try. But only try once, don’t drag out your need for closure. Dragging it out means you don’t want closure, you want reconciliation so be honest with yourself about what you want.
So I will say yes, text him if you want closure. But just like clarity, be ready for the possible outcomes because he may refuse to say “This is over”. Many people don’t like closing relationships with a period. They’d rather put a comma there in order to have access to you whenever they want it. Don’t allow that. If they don’t give you closure, give it to yourself. But it doesn’t hurt to text him and ask for it. But remember, only ask once. Accept whatever response you get, even if he doesn’t respond. No response is a response.
Should I Text Him if I Want Him to be How He was Before?
“If he wanted to, he would” is a quote every woman should place at the front of her mind. It should be stamped there and recalled as much as necessary, especially in scenarios like this. If a man started off one way and then switched up suddenly without explanation, then the ball is in his court. He changed the dynamic so he needs to communicate what’s next. You shouldn’t be confused or anxious when you know you didn’t do anything but acted the exact same way throughout the relationship.
So I will say no, do NOT text him if you want him to be how he was before. You are not in control of how he acts. You can’t do anything to make him act like he did before and you’d be wasting your time if you try. Let him decide if he wants to come back and be consistent. You should want a man who is consistent with how he feels about you and how he treats you. Another phrase to always remember is “If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.”
The biggest thing I want you to focus on is how to love yourself in these moments. Rejection sucks and comes in different forms. When a guy you like suddenly becomes distant, it is a form of rejection. You want to avoid this so you feel if you reach out and text him that you can reverse what is happening. But loving yourself through these moments means doing the hard things. It’s when you have to resist the urge to blow his phone up because you remember that you too are desirable and the right man won’t confuse you like this. It’s okay to text him depending on what you hope to receive from reaching out to him. But you can’t control his response or how he chooses to act moving forward. Be ready for all possible responses and love yourself no matter the outcome.