The internet is shocked and saddened by the news that Tia Mowry has filed for divorce from husband Cory Hardict after 14 years. Most of us are confused because they seemed so happy. I personally never saw this coming because I have always admired their love story. They dated young and grew with one another. Their love always seemed genuine and easy so it explains the shock we’re all feeling.
The hard part about celebrity divorces is, everyone has an opinion about a relationship the public knows little about. We as spectators only get a small glimpse of what that couple chooses to expose to us in the media. We take that small amount of information and come up with a full thesis about the underlying issues of the marriage that led to the breakup. The truth is, we have no idea why Tia filed for divorce. Everything posted is speculation.
My heart goes out to them because divorce is hard on anyone. I truly hope they decide to work it out because again, I admire their union. But this post isn’t about my opinion on their marriage or divorce. These are the lessons I’ve learned from seeing the internet’s response to Tia Mowry’s filing for divorce.
Don’t Put Any Relationship on a Pedastal
For some reason, black Twitter is attacking Tamara Mowry because she isn’t the one getting a divorce. Many people dislike Tamara Mowry’s husband due to him being a Trump supporter. Because of this, most people put Tia’s marriage on a pedestal while declaring Tamara’s marriage as inevitably doomed. The issue with placing other people’s relationships on a pedestal is when that relationship crumbles, their disappointment becomes your disappointment. To avoid this, stop measuring people’s relationships as “better than”. No one knows the ins and outs of a partnership from the outside looking in so avoid attaching “goals” to anyone’s relationship. Enjoy the happy parts and move along.
Admire, Don’t Idolize
To admire is to respect and regard with warm approval. To idolize is to worship. We have to stop idolizing celebrity couples. These are people, not gods. Humans are flawed so they will make mistakes. Looking at their relationships as the end all be all is why we can’t maintain healthy relationships. We are too busy minding their business instead of our own. It’s okay to respect and have approval for a relationship. That way, if it ends you just give them sympathy and move on. But when you worship a relationship, when it ends you feel like apart of you has ended. Your goal or dream of having their marriage has ended. News flash, you shouldn’t desire something you know little about. This is why you should admire, not idolize.
Eat the Meat, Spit out the Bones
We live in this all-or-nothing society where many feel two things can’t be true at the same time. I saw this show up the most when Devon Franklin and Meagan Good announced their divorce. They had a seemingly great marriage and they actually did write a great book on celibacy. Unfortunately, when they divorced, people divorced their book too. I was so confused seeing this because a flawed relationship can still produce an impactful book. Their marriage ending doesn’t negate how helpful and accurate their book is. We have to learn to take the meat and spit out the bones. The parts of Tia’s marriage that worked still could work for others. We can’t erase all the lessons learned from their union just because the fullness of the marriage didn’t survive.
Their Story Isn’t Your Story
Every time a seemingly healthy couple ends, people love to post things like “there’s no hope for singles.” Well if you feel there’s no hope because of someone else’s relationship ending, then obviously you’ve been idolizing rather than admiring. I don’t know about you but my story is still being written. I refuse to lose hope because of someone else’s story. What kind of sense does that make? Stay in your lane and in your life. Stop allowing how other people’s lives and relationships unfold to dictate how much hope you have for your own situation. Comparison will forever be the thief of joy.