In recent years, a certain type of man has become more recognizable on the dating scene: the man with mommy issues. Maybe he was always there, but with the rise of mental health awareness, more people are labeling both themselves and those around them. If you’re curious about what mommy issues look like in men, check out my post 5 Signs of Mommy Issues in Men. But if you’re already familiar because you’ve dated them or you’re currently dating one, then let’s dive into why you might keep attracting them.
Before I jump into this, I want to put this disclaimer out. We often use the excuse that the reason we’re single or that we date losers is because we only attract a certain type of person. I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. We all attract different types of people, but it’s most important who we choose to entertain. We have to learn to be attracted to the healthier option or we’ll keep ending up hurt. It’s more about who you’re attracted to, and less about who you attract. So if you keep choosing to date men with mommy issues, then you have to address something internally.
You Have Mommy Issues Too
For most of my life, I thought my dating woes came from the fact that I didn’t have a father in my life. It wasn’t until I sought therapy and remedied my daddy issues that my therapist called out my mommy issues. My mom was very present in my life physically but emotionally, not so much. She did the best she could with what she had. Her parents were emotionally unavailable so she was too. She couldn’t give me the emotional availability I needed growing up because she didn’t know how. This caused me to constantly be attracted to emotionally unavailable men because that’s what I was used to. That is what love looked like to me. I couldn’t break the cycle until I realized I was stuck in one and what the root was.
Many times, we are attracted to people because we share the same trauma. If you’re both healed from that trauma and it’s something you have in common then great. But if it’s how you’re bonding and the foundation of your connection, that’s a recipe for disaster. You could be dating men with mommy issues because you’ve yet to confront your own mommy issues.
You’re Too Eager
Listen, I’ve been single for a long time. I’ve really been single for 90% of my adult life. If anybody is ready for a relationship that leads to marriage, it is me. Although I’m ready, I’m not eager. I’ve dealt with too many situationships and casual dating mistakes. I’ve learned that a slow and steady pace wins the race. When I do meet someone, I try to take my time so I can see them for who they are as opposed to who I want them to be.
When you’re too eager to be in a relationship, every man you date is your potential husband. On the first date, you’re asking yourself if they’d be a good father to your future children. Slow your roll, it’s just the first date. You don’t know him like that. Men with mommy issues refuse to be alone so they always have someone. If you’re super eager to let them in physically and emotionally, then you’re an easy target. Learn how to guard your heart above all else because if you don’t, who will?
You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve
I have a big heart and I care about people. For years I hated it because I tended to get played easily. I thought being a good person meant that people would be good to me. Well, that’s a big ghetto lie. God had to get my discernment in tact expeditiously before I lost hope in all humans.
When you have a big heart, all people gravitate toward you. Men with mommy issues will make you feel special because they want to take part in your caring spirit. They have a void to fill and if you can help them then they will use you. They will drain you of all that care by constantly using you as their shoulder to lean on but they won’t reciprocate this act. When you need them emotionally, they won’t have the ability to be there for you because they most likely don’t know how. Having a good heart and wearing it on your sleeve isn’t a bad thing but you have to be careful and use discernment. The only way to do that is to take your time and truly get to know the person. Don’t put your all in from day one because you aren’t sure if you can trust them with your heart.
You’re a Hopeless Romantic
A hopeless romantic is a person that believes strongly in love stories. They were sold a dream by watching tons of romcoms and now they think their life should end up like The Notebook. They tend to be easily smitten by nice gestures and fall quickly for charming people and being wined and dined. If this sounds like you, you are an effortless target for a man with mommy issues.
Charm doesn’t equal vulnerability or good character. Anyone can put on the charm in order to get what they want. Don’t be fooled into opening your heart just because someone is throwing lots of romantic gestures at you. This is usually a tactic called love bombing to get you to open up really quickly. Again, the key is discernment and slow pacing. Don’t be fooled by how great someone treats you in the beginning. The key is consistency and you’ll only know how consistent someone is by taking your time.
Conclusion
If you read this and felt seen, it might be time to pause your dating life and focus on healing. Sometimes a step back is the reset you need to shift your mindset and break the cycle. You must learn to spot unhealthy patterns early and choose differently. Even when it feels easier to stick with what’s familiar.
I encourage you to try a 21-day break from dating to rebuild your discernment and emotional strength. I call it the 21-Day Man Fast. It’s a tool I’ve personally used to gain clarity, break toxic cycles, and reset my standards. If you’re not sure how to start, grab my virtual journal. It includes 21 guided prompts to help you reflect, refocus, and date with intention. Better dating results begin with a better, more grounded you.
