Much of my content comes from my own experiences, but I also glean a lot from my friends and my friend’s friends. My bestie told me that she was in the mall today and a young lady began venting to her randomly about her love life. She stated that the guy she is dating is a “good guy” but he does things like goes missing for weeks at a time and doesn’t provide clarity on where their “relationship” is headed. My bestie gave her some advice and also told her about my blog and I honestly hope she reads it. Hearing this story inspired me to address the issue at hand.
It sounds like the guy she is dating has no intentions to be serious with this young lady. It seems like he intends to string her along as long as he can until she decides to get off the hamster wheel. He sounds like the type who juggles a lot of women but isn’t honest with any of them. He likes to have his options open and he wants these women to be available when he wants them so he uses ambiguity to keep his women on a string. He says just enough to keep them wanting him but not enough for them to understand what part they play in his life. If you’re wondering why men do this I honestly can’t tell you because I’m not a man. But I can tell you the warning signs so you can remove yourself because you can’t change a guy like this. If a man doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to. Waiting around won’t make him do it. So cut your losses and move on to someone who provides clarity and who wants what you want. Nobody is worth stressing yourself out and playing the guessing game trying to figure out if they want you or not. With that being said, here are 5 excuses men use to string women along.
I’ve been hurt so I’m taking my time
Listen, when a man is hurt by his ex, it shows. You’ll be able to pick up on it immediately if you’re paying attention. The gag is, when men are this hurt, they’re not going to say it. They’re too busy drowning their pain in sex with random women, isolation, drunkenness, work, or working out. If a man is still hurting emotionally, just know he isn’t about to enter a situation with you leading with “I’ve been hurt so I’m taking my time.” Their expression of emotional pain doesn’t look like this. This is a line from the movie Boomerang. If you haven’t seen Boomerang, go watch it asap because it’s a classic Eddie Murphy film. His character Marcus used this line in the movie to get sympathy from a young lady so he could have sex with her. Once the sex was over, he never spoke to her again. Don’t fall for this line. If he’s too hurt, he shouldn’t be dating anyway. He needs to be healing.
I’m really busy
I dealt with this earlier this year when I dated this 41 year old guy who was at a high level in his company. He would work really long hours and would have random meetings pop up which forced him to cancel dates sometimes. I was cool with him being busy but I wasn’t cool with his lack of communication and me not really being a priority. You see, his words said one thing but his actions said another. He told me he was looking for something serious and he was trying to be more vulnerable with me than he was with other women in the past. His actions said I’m going to communicate with you and go out with you just enough to possibly get sex but anything more I’m not putting forth that much effort. Listen, Obama got time for Michelle. Jay Z got time for Beyonce. Lebron James got time for Savannah. Stop letting these guys use their schedule as an excuse to string along. They will make time, even if it’s 15 minute phone call daily or a scheduled date every week. Effort says I’m interested and intentional.
I’m not ready to commit (“to you” is silent) but I enjoy your company
This is a very popular one. This is the guy that treats you like his girlfriend without making you his girlfriend. Contrary to society’s current belief, commitment still matters. If it didn’t matter, then he would just commit. But the reason men like this don’t commit is because commitment comes with responsibilities and boundaries. He wants the benefits of you but still the freedom to be with whoever else he chooses. He could partially be telling the truth about not being ready to commit. That’s all fine and dandy but the issue comes when he still expects you to continue to give him full access to you although he knows you want a commitment and he doesn’t. Men know exactly what they’re doing. They give you a lot of time and attention to leave you with the false hope that when he eventually wants to commit, it’ll be to you. Don’t believe the hype. If you want a commitment, that’s what you deserve. Exit stage left when a man tries to keep you on his leash with this bs.
Let’s just see where this goes
If you know you really want a serious relationship but a guy hits you with this, delete their contact and move on immediately. I’m not saying they’re a bad person or anything, but it will save you from settling. I’ve been stuck in this trap many times. I would like a guy first before knowing who he was and/or what he wants. So I’d convince myself to go along with what he wants in order to “win him”. This never worked. I always got tired of waiting on him to like me enough to finally commit or I finally realized that he was never going to commit but he wanted me to think he possibly would. If casually dating is your thing then go right ahead. But if you know you want something beyond a situationship, please don’t allow this line to keep you waiting on something that may never happen.
This one isn’t an excuse, it’s more of a sign but needs to be said. Have you ever dated a guy that was really attentive one week but then disappears the next then came back the week after with extreme attention? This is what consistently inconsistent looks like. These guys are tricky because when they’re present and showing up, it’s amazing. But then they just do these crazy disappearing acts and you’re left questioning yourself like you did something wrong. You didn’t, it’s them. They’re most likely living double lives or they have a plethora of women they’re juggling. The cycle is so scary because it’s like a drug. When they come around you’re so excited then they remove themselves so abruptly leaving you feening for them and they become an addiction. Break the addiction by blocking them immediately. They know what they’re doing. You deserve someone who is consistently consistent. Get off this hamster wheel immediately.