He’s Being Distant…Should I Text Him?

by Ashleigh Guice Monday, October 24, 2022

There’s this phenomenon where a guy meets you, gives you all his attention for the first few weeks, and then suddenly starts to distance himself for no clear reason. You’ve done nothing to deserve it, but now you’re panicking, thinking you need to fix it.

So you’re asking yourself, “Should I text him or wait for him to come back around?”

It’s an awful feeling that causes confusion and anxiety. I wish I could tell you why men do this, but the older I get, the more I accept that I may never understand men, and I’m okay with that. The point of this post is to answer that gnawing question: Should I text him?

Maybe he’s emotionally unavailable and got scared once you got too close. Maybe he reconciled with the girlfriend he “forgot” to mention. Maybe you didn’t sleep with him soon enough. Or maybe you did, and now he’s checked out because he got what he wanted.

Again, I don’t understand these men. But the real question is this: What will you gain if you text him?
That’s how we’ll break this down, by what you’re hoping to gain, and whether that’s a good enough reason to hit send.

Should I Text Him If I Want Clarity?

We live in a society that wants people to be emotionless, so detached that when you’re disappointed, you’re supposed to just “move on” without feeling anything. But that’s not how healthy emotions work.

When you’re in touch with your feelings, it’s natural to feel sad or confused when someone you like starts to pull away. You want to know why. You want to know if you can fix it. That’s normal.

So yes, text him if you want clarity. But understand this: you can’t control his response. He may lie. He may tell the truth. He may ignore you completely or hit you back weeks later. Be prepared for any of those outcomes.

In my own experience, I’ve heard every excuse from “I’ve been busy” to “I had a lot going on.” I accepted it and moved on, because you shouldn’t have to chase anyone to get the attention and affection you deserve. Don’t overthink it, and don’t press for more answers if you don’t get what you wanted to hear. It’s a shorter journey to move on than to try to read or change his mind.

Should I Text Him If I Want Closure?

Closure is tricky. Most of the time, we don’t actually want closure, we want a remedy to our hurt feelings. We think an apology or explanation will make us feel better, but hurt feelings still need time to heal.

That said, getting closure isn’t wrong. If you feel you need it, go for it, but only once. If you keep reaching out, you’re not looking for closure; you’re looking for reconciliation. Be honest with yourself about what you truly want.

So yes, text him if you want closure. But again, be ready for anything. Some people don’t like ending relationships with a period. They leave a comma there so they can circle back when it’s convenient for them. Don’t let that happen.

If he won’t give you closure, give it to yourself. In my book How to X Your Ex, I call closure a trap because it can keep you stuck in a cycle of waiting and wondering. If you ask once and don’t get a clear response, take that as your answer. No response is a response.

Should I Text Him If I Want Him to Be How He Was Before?

“If he wanted to, he would.”
That quote should live rent-free in your mind.

If a man starts off one way and then switches up with no explanation, the ball is in his court. You didn’t change, he did. You don’t need to chase clarity for behavior you didn’t cause.

So no, do not text him if you’re hoping he’ll go back to how he was. You can’t control that. You can’t force consistency out of someone who’s already shown you instability. Let him decide if he wants to show up again, and if he doesn’t, that’s your sign.

You deserve a man who is consistent in how he feels about you and how he treats you. Another phrase to tattoo on your heart:

“If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.”

Loving Yourself Through the Silence

When a man suddenly becomes distant, it’s a form of rejection, and rejection hurts. The instinct to reach out comes from wanting to undo that pain, but loving yourself through these moments means doing what’s harder but healthier.

It’s resisting the urge to chase clarity from someone who’s already showing confusion. It’s remembering that you, too, are desirable, and the right man won’t make you question that.

So yes, text him if you truly need clarity or closure, but do it once, and move on with your peace intact. No man is worth losing your self-respect over.