One of my most eye-opening dating experiences was dating a man with mommy issues. Prior to him, I had never known mommy issues existed. I was well aware of the concept of daddy issues because society yells that to the mountain tops. But the term mommy issues wasn’t on my radar and I was in for a rude awakening.
When he and I met, he was extremely charming and very eager to pursue a relationship with me. This caught my attention because I too was eager for a relationship after being exhausted with casual dating experiences. After only 2 weeks of dating, he was asking to make it official. My naive and desperate for a boyfriend brain didn’t think anything was wrong with this. I would soon realize the pace in itself was a red flag.
After a month of dating, I soon learned his emotions were a bit unstable. He had extreme highs and extreme lows which manifested themselves in our relationship. Our relationship was a rollercoaster with no stability in sight. After 6 months of dating, I noticed a change in myself trying to love a man with such instability. After a year of dating, I realized I couldn’t bear the burden of a man who didn’t have the emotional intelligence necessary to love himself, let alone love me.
I decided it was over after a year of twists and turns and weekly breakups to makeups. It would take me another year to pick myself up and restore what that relationship stole from me; my peace. Although tumultuous, I don’t regret it because it made me love myself in the aftermath. But I would be remiss if I didn’t warn women to avoid relationships like this one. These relationships involve dating men with mommy issues and not understanding how to handle them. Here are 5 signs you’re dating a man with mommy issues.
When you think of emotional instability, most think of someone who is excessively emotional. Someone who may cry all the time or who is always angry. Well, that isn’t exactly what this means. Being emotionally unstable is the inability to handle certain emotions when they occur. I did some research on attachment styles after this relationship and found something interesting. Men with mommy issues commonly suffer from a disorganized attachment style. Their behavior is extremely inconsistent because they want love but they fear it so they push it away. This explains how you can be lovey dove at noon and then yelling at the top of your lungs in an argument by 8 pm.
Have you ever met a guy that tells you about all the horrible women of his past and how they did him so wrong and how he was so perfect? Yea, me too. It is the most frustrating thing in the world. People who do this are called victims. They feel like something bad is always happening to them and they aren’t the cause of any of it. Dating a man like this is almost impossible. Anything he does becomes your fault. Sometimes it can make you feel crazy because you know that you’re right but they still find some sort of loophole to make you wrong.
When a man doesn’t have his mom present physically or emotionally, he feels as if the world did him a disservice. Nothing can ever be his fault because he didn’t ask to be here and he didn’t ask for his mom to abandon him. The world owes him something in his head so he can take no responsibility for his wrongs. If this sounds familiar then you may be dating a man with mommy issues. Be really careful because these men are very manipulative. They can sell salt to a slug. They have a way of flipping words and situations. Trust your gut and challenge them. Don’t back down because if you know that YOU KNOW that you’re right, you are. Don’t let their victim bullying tear you down.
Going nowhere fast is how I would define a person with no direction in life. They have the work ethic and ambition but they are working toward fifty million things but aren’t advancing. That’s how it feels dating a man with mommy issues. Deep down, they feel lost so they can’t seem to find their purpose or calling so they just dabble in everything. There is no stability in this. He can’t really lead if he has no direction in his own life. Having ambition and a work ethic is pointless if you aren’t applying it to anything that matters. There needs to be a strategic plan set into place. If the guy you’re dating seems to be all over the place with what he wants to do with his life, he may have mommy issues.
Needs Constant Reassurance
One of my love languages is words of affirmation. I love to be complimented by my man and for him to remind me how much he loves to be with me. I don’t need it to feel good about myself, but receiving it lets me know a man values me. Men with mommy issues take this a little too far. They don’t just need to be affirmed, they need to be reassured over and over. They need to know every single day that you want them, that you agree with them, that you are on their side. It gets draining having to reassure someone daily that you are supportive when all you do is support them. It’s not your responsibility to love someone more than they love themselves.
Wants You to be His “Everything”
Our society has this sick infatuation with making someone or something their “everything”. You hear songs about it and people saying statements like “He/she is my all”. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a flex to be someone’s all or for someone to be your all. It is actually very unhealthy because when they leave, then what? Men with mommy issues have a tendency to want you to be their everything. They want you to be their mom, best friend, therapist, pastor, financial advisor, and so on and so forth. This may sound cute but it’s not, it’s draining. Relationships are about give and take. Someone who is only equipped to take can’t give.
If this describes someone you’re currently dating, I am sending positivity your way. It is tough dating someone in this state. They will take you through a lot. If it were me, I would break off anything romantic and form a friendship before embarking upon a life journey with them. They aren’t a lost cause because they can get through their mommy issues but it is going to take work. The work begins with them because you can’t force them to do so. I would honestly tell them to seek some sort of counseling because expressing emotions for men is like pulling teeth. But if you choose to continue on a journey with these men, please protect yourself emotionally. Don’t lose yourself trying to help them find themselves. If you have to sacrifice yourself to find love then it isn’t worth it.