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Why Do I Attract Men With Mommy Issues?

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One of my most popular posts is 3 Signs You’re Dating a Man With Mommy Issues. I get views daily on this post and I wrote it years ago. Seeing its popularity made me realize that people need more knowledge on the subject so this article will help women who repeatedly run into men with mommy issues. As previously stated, I have a blog addressing what a man with mommy issues acts like but I’ll state a few facts here.

A man with mommy issues is a man who

  • was abandoned by his mom physically and/or emotionally
  • had a mom who abused or neglected him
  • a mom who made him the man of the house too early
  • a mom who treated him like a husband instead of a son

These men tend to resent women, lack emotional intelligence, and/or feel as though they are victims and the world owes them something. This shows up as misogyny, lack of accountability, inability to be alone, inability to be faithful, inability to commit, and lack of vulnerability. Until they seek help and confront these issues, they will cope with their mommy issues in their romantic relationships.

If this sounds like the kind of men you tend to attract, you may be stuck in a cycle. I too was stuck in this same cycle for years until I sought to understand it through therapy. I discovered the reasons I tended to attract these types of men. Here are a 4 reasons you attract men with mommy issues.

Disclaimer: Before I jump into this, I want to put this disclaimer out. We often use the excuse that the reason we’re single or that we date losers is because we only attract a certain type of person. I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. We all attract different types of people, but it’s most important who we choose to entertain. We have to learn to be attracted to the healthier option or we’ll keep ending up hurt. It’s more about who you’re attracted to, and less about who you attract. 

You Have Mommy Issues Too

For most of my life, I thought my dating woes came from the fact that I didn’t have a father in my life. It wasn’t until I sought therapy and remedied my daddy issues that my therapist called out my mommy issues. My mom was very present in my life physically but emotionally, not so much. She did the best she could with what she had. Her parents were emotionally unavailable so she was too. She couldn’t give me the emotional availability I needed growing up because she didn’t know how. This caused me to constantly be attracted to emotionally unavailable men because that’s what I was used to. That is what love looked like to me. I couldn’t break the cycle until I realized I was stuck in one and what the root was.

Many times, we are attracted to people because we share the same trauma. If you’re both healed from that trauma and it’s something you have in common then great. But if it’s how you’re bonding and the foundation of your connection, that’s a recipe for disaster. You could be dating men with mommy issues because you’ve yet to confront your own mommy issues.

You’re Too Eager

Listen, I’ve been single for a long time. I’ve really been single for 90% of my adult life. If anybody is ready for a relationship that leads to marriage, it is me. Although I’m ready, I’m not eager. I’ve dealt with too many situationships and casual dating mistakes. I’ve learned that a slow and steady pace wins the race. When I do meet someone, I try to take my time so I can see them for who they are as opposed to who I want them to be.

When you’re too eager to be in a relationship, every man you date is your potential husband. On the first date, you’re asking yourself if they’d be a good father to your future children. Slow your roll, it’s just the first date. You don’t know him like that. Men with mommy issues refuse to be alone so they always have someone. If you’re super eager to let them in physically and emotionally, then you’re an easy target. Learn how to guard your heart above all else because if you don’t, who will?

You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve

I have a big heart and I care about people. For years I hated it because I tended to get played easily. I thought being a good person meant that people would be good to me. Well, that’s a big ghetto lie. God had to get my discernment in tact expeditiously before I lost hope in all humans.

When you have a big heart, all people gravitate toward you. Men with mommy issues will make you feel special because they want to take part in your caring spirit. They have a void to fill and if you can help them then they will use you. They will drain you of all that care by constantly using you as their shoulder to lean on but they won’t reciprocate this act. When you need them emotionally, they won’t have the ability to be there for you because they most likely don’t know how. Having a good heart and wearing it on your sleeve isn’t a bad thing but you have to be careful and use discernment. The only way to do that is to take your time and truly get to know the person. Don’t put your all in from day one because you aren’t sure if you can trust them with your heart.

You’re a Hopeless Romantic 

A hopeless romantic is a person that believes strongly in love stories. They were sold a dream by watching tons of romcoms and now they think their life should end up like The Notebook. They tend to be easily smitten by nice gestures and fall quickly for charming people and being wined and dined. If this sounds like you, you are a quick target for a man with mommy issues.

Charm doesn’t equal vulnerability or good character. Anyone can put on the charm in order to get what they want. Don’t be fooled into opening your heart just because someone is throwing lots of romantic gestures at you. This is usually a tactic called love bombing to get you to open up really quickly. Again, the key is discernment and slow pacing. Don’t be fooled by how great someone treats you in the beginning. The key is consistency and you’ll only know how consistent someone is by taking your time.

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