Have you ever been getting to know someone, the chemistry feels promising, and then he hits you with a “compliment” that leaves you confused, low-key offended, and questioning if you’re being too sensitive?
That, my friend, might be negging. And no, it’s not cute. It’s calculated.
Let’s break down what negging is, how to spot it, and how to protect your peace when it shows up.
What Is Negging?
Negging is a form of emotional manipulation where someone gives you a backhanded compliment or subtle insult to lower your self-esteem and gain the upper hand.
It’s designed to make you second-guess yourself and chase their approval. In other words, it’s manipulation dressed up as flirtation.
Example: “You’re pretty for a thick girl.”
Example: “Most women like you would never talk to a guy like me.”
Example: “You’re cute… when you actually try.”
You’re not crazy for feeling weird after a comment like that. That discomfort is your intuition trying to protect you.
Signs You’re Being Negged
Negging doesn’t always sound like an insult at first, which is why it’s easy to overlook. Here are some red flags:
1. Backhanded Compliments
They say something that seems nice at first, but leaves you insecure.
“You’re smarter than I thought.”
2. Comparisons to Other Women
They pit you against someone else to spark competition.
“My ex used to wear her hair like that. It looked better on her though.”
3. Jokes That Aren’t Funny
They disguise insults as humor, then gaslight you when you don’t laugh.
“Relax, I’m just joking. You’re too sensitive.”
4. Undermining Your Confidence
They downplay your accomplishments or make jabs about your looks.
“That’s cool that you run a blog. Do people actually read it?”
5. Backpedaling When Called Out
They flip it on you and make you feel like the problem.
“Wow, you can’t take a joke?”
What to Do When You Notice Negging
1. Call It Out (If You Feel Safe)
Sometimes a simple, “What did you mean by that?” can throw them off and reveal their intentions.
2. Don’t Internalize It
This isn’t about you; it’s about their insecurity. Confident people don’t tear others down.
3. Set a Boundary
Try: “I’m not interested in engaging with people who talk to me like that.” Boundaries aren’t “attitudes.” They’re self-respect.
4. Block & Move On
If someone consistently makes you feel small, confused, or insecure, you don’t owe them continued access. Block, delete, and keep it moving.
Final Thoughts: Know Your Worth
Negging thrives when we’re unsure of ourselves. That’s why self-worth and self-love aren’t just buzzwords; they’re armor.
Sometimes, the reason we fall for manipulation tactics like negging is because we’re burnt out from dating altogether. We’re so used to entertaining men, even the wrong ones, that we ignore our intuition just to “give him a chance.”
That’s exactly why I created the 21 Day Man Fast. It’s not about hating men, it’s about taking a break from them so you can reset your mind, strengthen your self-worth, and get clear about what kind of love you truly deserve.
Three weeks of focusing on YOU can be the difference between falling for manipulation and standing firm in your standards.
You deserve to be loved in a way that doesn’t require shrinking, second-guessing, or decoding insults. If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s not.
