Have you ever been getting to know someone, the chemistry feels promising, and then he hits you with a “compliment” that leaves you confused, low-key offended, and questioning if you’re being too sensitive?
That, my friend, might be negging. And no, it’s not cute. It’s calculated.
Let’s break down what negging is, how to spot it, and how to protect your peace when it shows up.
What Is Negging?
Negging is a form of emotional manipulation where someone gives you a backhanded compliment or subtle insult to lower your self-esteem and gain the upper hand.
It’s designed to make you second-guess yourself and seek their approval. In other words, it’s manipulation dressed up as flirtation.
This tactic is often used in early dating by people who want control rather than connection. They say things that almost sound like compliments but actually make you feel less than.
✨ Example: “You’re pretty for a thick girl.”
✨ Example: “Most women like you would never talk to a guy like me.”
✨ Example: “You’re cute… when you actually try.”
You’re not crazy for feeling weird after a comment like that. That discomfort is your intuition trying to protect you.
Signs You’re Being Negged
Negging doesn’t always sound like an insult at first, which is why it’s easy to overlook. Here are a few red flags to watch out for:
1. Backhanded Compliments
They say something that seems nice at first, but leaves you feeling insecure.
“You’re smarter than I thought.”
2. Comparisons to Other Women
They pit you against someone else to spark competition or make you feel inadequate.
“My ex used to wear her hair like that—it looked better on her though.”
3. Jokes That Aren’t Funny
They disguise their insults as humor but get defensive when you don’t laugh.
“Relax, I’m just joking. You’re too sensitive.”
4. Undermining Your Confidence
They downplay your accomplishments or make subtle jabs about your appearance.
“That’s cool that you run a blog. Do people actually read it?”
5. Backpedaling When Called Out
They flip it on you and make you feel like the problem.
“Wow, you can’t take a joke?”
What to Do When You Identify Negging
If you notice negging in your conversations, don’t second-guess yourself. Trust that uneasy feeling.
1. Call It Out (If You Feel Safe)
Sometimes a simple, “What did you mean by that?” can throw the manipulator off and reveal their intentions. Keep it calm but direct.
2. Don’t Internalize It
This isn’t about you, it’s about their insecurity. Confident people don’t need to tear others down to feel seen.
3. Set a Boundary
You can say something like, “I’m not interested in engaging with people who talk to me like that.” That’s a boundary, not an attitude.
4. Welcome Them to the Block Party
If someone consistently makes you feel small, confused, or insecure…you don’t owe them continued access. Block, delete, and move on.
Final Thoughts: Know Your Worth
Negging thrives when we’re unsure of ourselves. That’s why self-worth and self-love aren’t just buzzwords—they’re armor.
You deserve to be loved in a way that doesn’t require shrinking, second-guessing, or decoding insults.
Remember: If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s not.
