Am I Overthinking or Is He Losing Interest? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions


Have you recently asked yourself “Am I overthinking or is he losing interest”?

If so, this post will help you figure it out. This isn’t for people in committed relationships. This one is for the person who is in the early stages of dating and has found themselves interested in someone but you’re unsure if their interest matches yours.

I personally know this feeling. I recently went through a scenario that had me asking am I overthinking or is he losing interest. I began dating a guy and our first date went great. We communicated daily and began to make plans for future dates and activities weeks in advance. I was interested in him and I felt the feeling was mutual. On our second date, we had a miscommunication that left me wondering if he had lost interest. I directly asked him if he was okay and if we were good. He said yes but my gut told me this wasn’t the truth.

I gave him a day to process his emotions and he called. I asked again if we were good and he began to express himself in a passive-aggressive manner. He wasn’t directly saying there was an issue but he stated that I should know what I did wrong. I explained that I’m no mindreader but I will apologize for any actions that may have affected him. He continued his passive-aggressive demeanor and abruptly ended the call saying he would speak to me the next day.

Was I overthinking?

At that moment, I knew he had lost interest. Although I am an overthinker, I knew I wasn’t overthinking. Needless to say, we are no longer dating because my spidey senses were correct. He lost interest after a miscommunication and instead of trying to force him to talk about it or continue, I just let it go. There is more peace in releasing people than in forcing them to be where they don’t want to be. I want you to have that peace. If you’re wondering if you’re overthinking or if the guy you’re seeing has lost interest, ask yourself these five questions.

There is more peace in releasing people than in forcing them to be where they don’t want to be.

What triggered this thought?

When was the first time you wondered “Is he losing interest?” Was it after an argument? Was it after sex? Was it a change in his attitude or affection? If a single event triggered the thought then most likely, you are not overthinking. Don’t be afraid to bring it up and ask directly if he has lost interest or if something has changed. How he answers will be very telling.

But I will say this; be careful not to connect past trauma with present relationships. For example, if in the past you were used to men losing interest after sex, then you have to look inwardly. Has he started acting differently or is it that you’re triggered?

Has he been open to communicating about the issue?

When you bring up the shift or ask directly, is he open to talking about it? In my case, he was not open at all. That’s when I knew I wasn’t overthinking but there was actually something wrong. Many men struggle with communicating their emotions so oftentimes they’ll shut down. This manifests as him deflecting and changing the subject. He could also shut down and give you the silent treatment. Or in my case, he will be passive-aggressive by showing signs of anger but not directly expressing it. These are signs that something is off. It doesn’t necessarily mean he has lost interest but it does mean you are not overthinking and there is something wrong.

Is he creating distance?

If he has shut down and begun to create distance in the early stages of dating, then he is almost certainly losing interest. If a man gets upset or bothered but is able to recover and begin acting normal again, that means he wants to continue the relationship. But if he starts to communicate less, does not want to see you as often, and stops making an effort, then this is an obvious sign that he has lost interest.

Even if nothing happened to create distance, it is still a sign that maybe he has lost interest. When a man likes you, he will go out of his way to communicate with you and spend time with you. If he doesn’t do these things then it’s a sure sign that he has lost interest.

Has the topic of your conversations changed?

Men don’t like hurting our feelings so in many cases, they try to “let us down easily”. They do this by continuing to talk to us as if nothing happened but the effort and communication change drastically. They do this in hopes that we’ll get the point and just move on. If he used to talk about seeing you all the time and asking you about interests and future date ideas but now it’s just a generic “wyd” or “how’s your day”, then this could be a sign of lost interest.

What does your gut say?

Women’s intuition is our best friend. Often times we know before there is evidence. If your gut is telling you something is off then something is off. Don’t be afraid to trust your gut and at least ask. A man that cares about you doesn’t mind you asking him questions. Men who get offended by harmless questions are normally men with ill intentions. Your intuition won’t lead you astray, lean into it.

Now what?

If you’ve read these questions and have determined that he has lost interest, I want to encourage you. Trust me, I get it. When you catch feelings for someone and they suddenly lose interest, it sucks. It can feel like rejection and make you feel inadequate but don’t let it. Someone not choosing isn’t a sign of your inadequacy, it’s a sign of their preference. Just like we have preferences, so do men. You may never know the real reason they lost interest but don’t sweat it. It’s better this happened sooner than later.

I once heard a person say “Not everybody got good taste” and I believe that. You’re a great catch so continue to act like one. The guy who will choose you and maintain consistent effort is out there. Keep trying until you meet him.

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