“Here’s the problem with false hope, we never see it coming.”
Many people wake up with false hope every single day but have no idea. Some have never even heard of the term. False hope appears mostly in relationships. Desperate individuals stuck in dead relationships with the false hope that they will come alive again. The urban dictionary defines false hope as looking forward to something that has a strong chance of not happening. But how do you know this thing you hope for has a strong chance of not happening? Well in many cases it’s obvious. First, your intuition yells “This ain’t gone work, LEAVE.” (Yes, I said ain’t, fight me.) Next, your happiness dwindles away and you’re stuck in a situation looking for a reason to stay. Lastly, a reoccurring pattern forms with the circumstance you’re presented with and instead of removing yourself from the cycle, you continue on the hamster wheel hoping one day something will change but one day never comes. If this situation sounds familiar, then you my friend are stuck in the rut of false hope.
Having hope is healthy so don’t mistake all hope for false hope. The hope becomes false hope when the above mentioned items begin to occur. I can remember being in love with someone because they treated me like a queen initially. He was supportive, faithful, funny, and we could talk about any and everything. He then moved away and the way he treated me changed drastically. We went from talking every single day to talking maybe once a week through texts. We went from talks about marriage to maybe we should just be friends. We went from wanting to spend every moment with one another to him ignoring me every time I asked to visit him. I fought for our relationship for two years hoping that it would go back to the first six months we spent together. I let false hope allow me to waste two years of my life for the hope of the happiness I saw in the first six months. It was obvious that what I was hoping for had a strong chance of not working but I was so addicted to what we had initially that I couldn’t see that I was high on false hope.
Does this sound like you? Have you gotten yourself stuck in the hopelessness of false hope? If so, don’t beat yourself up because there is light at the end of the tunnel. The shouting part is there is an escape and you don’t have to be stuck in this cycle forever. All you need is a perspective shift to understand that there is no hope in false hope. Here are the four things I had to recognize in order to release myself from the hopelessness of false hope.
“We tend to attach ourselves to the representative of a person before being introduced to who they really are.”
- When someone shows you who they are, believe them…Here’s the problem with false hope, we never see it coming. In my situation, I never thought he would change so drastically. I really thought we would get married and he was my soulmate. But I had to ask myself, who is this man? Is he the person I met the first six months, or is he the man who treated me like a step child for over a year? He was obviously the latter but I didn’t want to accept it. We tend to attach ourselves to the representative of a person before being introduced to who they really are. I bet my heart on someone I had only known for six months. When he revealed who he really was, I had a tough time believing him because I was so blinded by the person I met in the beginning. Maya Angelou said it best, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Love yourself first…I speak on self-love so much because it starts there. When you really love yourself, you don’t put yourself through certain things. Will Smith did an interview where he explained how he speaks to himself. Each time he makes a tough decision against how he feels in the moment, he says “I love you too much to…” If I had self-love back then, I would’ve spoken to myself in Will Smith fashion saying ” I love you too much to allow you to waste anymore time on someone who obviously doesn’t want to be with you. You’re too good for this situation now move on.” Is your self-love strong enough to remove you from the hopelessness of false hope?
“Time is a limited resource so act like it.”
- You can’t un-waste your time…I am a stickler on time because you can’t take it back. Once time is wasted, it is wasted forever. Time is a limited resource so act like it. When you spend time stuck in the false hope cycle, understand that the time you’re wasting can be used to do something else. You can be going back to school, starting a business, focused on your passion, or preparing yourself for someone who actually wants to be with you. Stop wasting time you will never get back and start pushing yourself out of this hopeless cycle.
- This isn’t the end…The guy in my story was one of the most attractive men I had ever dated. I think that was one of the things that had me hooked if I’m being honest. These were my shallow days when looks mattered more than a guy’s treatment of me. Well after him, I went on to date tons of more attractive guys because God made a lot of fine men. The point is, this isn’t the end. There are too many people in this world to be stuck in a situation that won’t change. If your false hope isn’t in dating then understand that there are other jobs; there are other schools; there are other places to live. There are more ways of dealing with situations than continuing to do the same thing over and over again then waking up years later realizing you were drunk with false hope.
I hope this helps someone release today because you deserve more. If you enjoyed this post, be sure to subscribe, comment, and share.