Being a single woman on Valentine’s Day can sting sometimes. I can recall several moments in my past when I panicked at the thought of Valentine’s Day. I began to hate my life or I attempted to get a guy to take me out just for the sake of Valentine’s Day. Childish, I’m highly aware but at the time, it seemed like a great idea. I responded to Valentine’s Day this way because I was dealing with societal pressures to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. It was a yearly reminder that I was still single and alone.
Once I matured in age and self-awareness, I realized that it wasn’t societal pressure. It was actually that internal voice telling me “You’re still single on one of your favorite days”. The truth is, I love love. I love romance and the thought of falling for someone and riding off into the sunset on a horse and carriage. In the past, instead of admitting this to myself and just finding ways to show myself love on Valentine’s Day, I attempted to force it. When I couldn’t force it, I just fell into self-pity. Thankfully, I’m in a way better place now and I no longer see the need to force anything or feel bad that I’m single. Here are the steps I took to enjoy being a single woman on Valentine’s Day.
Don’t Feel Sorry for Yourself
My blog slogan is “Being single is a beautiful choice, not a miserable circumstance”. I felt the need to state this because society makes being single feel like a disease you catch but it isn’t. Many times, it’s a choice. You’re choosing to not just be with the first person that comes along and smiles. You’re choosing to be your best self before entering into a relationship. You’re deciding to take some time and heal before dating with a broken heart. Once I realized being single wasn’t and isn’t a punishment or this miserable space in life, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I can still love romance and love even if that isn’t my current reality. It just keeps me hopeful for the future. Learn to be hopeful for your future instead of automatically feeling sorry for yourself.
Don’t Compare Your Life to Anyone Else’s
It’s human nature to compare. The key is to recognize when you’re comparing your life to someone else’s and then immediately nip it in the bud. I get it, everyone around you is married or engaged while you’re alone again on another Valentine’s Day. But you never know the ins and outs of anyone’s relationship. Don’t compare the fullness of your life to the pieces of someone else’s life. Comparison is the thief of joy. Every time you begin to compare, you’re setting yourself up to be sad so just don’t do it.
Don’t Allow Social Media to Consume You
In therapy, anything that instantly provokes emotion is a trigger. Social media is a huge trigger for most people, especially on a holiday like Valentine’s Day. Stay off of social media as much as possible. People will be broadcasting how happy they are in their relationships and marriages. This will just remind you that you don’t have anyone to share those moments with. Steer clear on that day because social media can even trigger the most confident and secure single woman.
Do What Makes You and You Alone Happy
What makes you happy? Is it ice cream, going on a hike, watching a movie, or sitting home doing absolutely nothing? Whatever it is, do that on Valentine’s Day. There’s this new trend telling single women they have to plan something special for Valentine’s Day because we need to celebrate. I totally disagree. You don’t have to ignore the day but you’re not obligated to do something big and fancy. You can literally just enjoy your own company by doing something you enjoy or by doing absolutely nothing. Don’t feel pressured to make extravagant plans. Do you boo.
Do Speak Positively About Your Love Life
Even if you don’t have a love life, speak positively about it. Valentine’s Day has a way of reminding you of your perceived failures in love. If you’re like me, you start going down the rabbit hole of regret. You remember all the good guys you passed up on who you could be married to by now. Don’t torment yourself like that. Most of the time these thoughts are lies but it’s just easier to fall into self-pity being a single woman on Valentine’s Day. Instead, when you find yourself spiraling into negative thoughts, replace them with positive ones. Read the list you’ve created about your future boyfriend or husband. Recite your positive affirmations. You are loved, remember that.
Do Focus on the Positives
Life isn’t always about romance. What other aspects of your life can you be grateful for? What parts of your life are going pretty well at the moment? Focus on the things that make you smile. We have a tendency to pay attention to what we’re missing but on Valentine’s Day, focus on what is present in your life. This is how you cultivate gratitude in your heart which makes everything else in life better.
