Are Kofi Siriboe’s Thoughts On Monogamy Wrong?

The girlies are upset with Kofi Siriboe after his recent comments on monogamy. The handsome actor recently joined the cast of Harlem for its final season, playing the role of Seth, a professional athlete not looking for anything serious. He was dating Quinn, whom we all love for her pure heart and genuine spirit.

SPOILER ALERT! After accidentally falling for Seth, Quinn soon learned that his “not taking anything seriously” was very real—he described himself as ethically non-monogamous. This was a term I had never heard of, but I’ve since learned it’s an actual thing. Women everywhere were pissed at Seth, the character. But now, that animosity has shifted toward Kofi, the actual person.

In a recent interview, Kofi alluded to not participating in monogamy. He didn’t outright say he was polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous, but he did express that monogamy might not be for him. Many women were turned off by this, claiming he just lacks discipline and “wants to be for the streets.” Honestly, I was confused because it felt like people were conflating what he said with what his character Seth said. Kofi never claimed to be ethically non-monogamous; he simply questioned whether monogamy was right for him.

Personally, I want monogamy, and I won’t accept anything less. But I’m not mad at Kofi for wanting something different. In an attempt to better understand his perspective, I dissected the interview clip. Here’s what I found:

Part 1:

“My first relationships lasted three, four, five years each. And then, you know, my life changed. I started working every day, then there’s the fame element and the abundance of people and exposure…”

Here, he explains that he was used to long-term relationships, but after achieving fame and working full-time, monogamy no longer seemed to serve him. It sounds like he tried monogamy, but it didn’t necessarily fit his evolving lifestyle.

Part 2:

“Sometimes monogamy feels like role play, and sometimes it feels restrictive. There’s an element of it that feels performative.”

This suggests that monogamy feels forced to him—like something he has to act out rather than something that comes naturally. That’s a bit odd to me because relationships require compromise, and sometimes you do things you don’t necessarily want to do out of love and consideration for your partner. That’s not role play; that’s sacrifice. But I suppose, for him, the cons outweigh the pros.

Part 3:

“I understand the tradition of it, and I understand the deeper meaning, but I started asking questions. Why do we do it like this? Is this how I want to do it?”

I actually respect this part. Too many people blindly follow societal norms without questioning if they align with their true desires. If more people took the time to reflect like this, there would probably be fewer people forcing themselves into situations they don’t genuinely want. I’d much rather date a man who has intentionally chosen monogamy after deep self-reflection than one who’s just doing it out of obligation.

Part 4:

“From observing people who play those roles—my parents included—I see some blind spots. Does that mean we have to throw away the whole system? Not necessarily. Like, I honor the system and its simplicity…”

I didn’t hear the full clip, but this part stood out. The way he says people who play those roles, like my parents, makes me wonder if his aversion to monogamy stems from his own upbringing. If someone had a positive example of marriage growing up, they’d probably say something like, ‘My parents were a great example of monogamy, but I don’t want that for myself’ versus ‘People who play those roles like my parents’. It makes me wonder if his dislike for monogamy stems from a bad foundation. 

Conclusion:

At the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong opinion on how someone chooses to live their love life. If Kofi is being upfront and not misleading anyone, then what’s the issue?

As a Christian woman who is waiting for marriage, I hate when people try to tell me my beliefs are wrong. So I refuse to do that to someone else. I would love for everyone to follow the way of Christ, but that’s not my job to enforce—only God can change hearts. My job is to lead with love, and in love, I won’t judge this man.

Would I date this fine piece of chocolate? Absolutely not. But do I respect his views? Yes.