How to Let Go of False Hope

False hope has different meanings, depending on the context. Today, I want to speak on false hope from a dating perspective. Its definition surprisingly comes from the Urban Dictionary.

False Hope: To look forward to something happening that may never happen.

Many people are stuck in dead-end relationships because they don’t know how to let go of false hope. They are waiting for their partner to change and for the relationship to get better although history has shown that this won’t happen. Instead of facing the discomfort of breaking up and being alone, they’d rather settle into false hope.

Here are 3 signs that you have false hope about a relationship.

1. Your intuition says the relationship or situationship is over.
2. Your happiness is dwindling away and you’re looking for a reason to stay.
3. There’s a reoccurring pattern with your relationship and instead of removing yourself, you continue the pattern hoping one day something will change.

Having hope is healthy but the hope becomes false hope when the above-mentioned items begin to occur.

I can remember being in love with someone because they treated me like a queen initially. He was supportive, faithful, and funny, and we could talk about any and everything. He then moved away and the way he treated me changed drastically. We went from talking every single day to talking maybe once a week through texts. Talks about marriage soon became “maybe we should just be friends’ conversations. while in the same city, we spent every moment with one another. This soon turned into him ignoring me every time I asked to visit him. I fought for our relationship for two years hoping that it would go back to the first six months we spent together. I let false hope allow me to waste two years of my life.

Does this sound like you? If so, don’t beat yourself up because there is light at the end of the tunnel. All you need is a perspective shift to understand that there is no hope in false hope. You can let go of false hope with these 4 tips.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them…

Here’s the problem with false hope, we never see it coming. In my situation, I never thought he would change so drastically. I really thought he was my soulmate. But I had to ask myself, who is this man? Is he the person I met during the first six months, or is he the man who treated me like a stepchild for over a year? He was obviously the latter but I didn’t want to accept it.

We tend to attach ourselves to the representative of a person before actually knowing who they really are. I gave my heart to someone I had only known for six months. When he revealed who he really was, I had a tough time believing him because I really thought he was the person I met in the beginning. Maya Angelou said it best, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Love yourself first…

I speak on self-love so much because it starts there. When you really love yourself, you don’t put yourself through certain things. Will Smith did an interview where he explained how he speaks to himself. Each time he makes a tough decision against how he feels in the moment, he says “I love myself too much to…” If I had self-love back then, I would’ve spoken to myself in Will Smith fashion. ” I love myself too much to allow me to waste any more time on someone who obviously doesn’t want to be with me. You’re too good for this situation now move on.” Is your self-love strong enough to let go of false hope?

You can’t un-waste your time…

I am a stickler on time because it’s an unreplenishable resource. When you have false hope about a relationship that will never change, you’re wasting time. You can be going back to school, starting a business, focused on your passion, or preparing yourself for someone who actually wants to be with you. Stop wasting time you will never get back and start pushing yourself out of this hopeless cycle.

This isn’t the end…

The guy in my story was one of the most attractive men I had ever dated. I think that was one of the things that had me hooked if I’m being honest. These were my shallow days when looks mattered more than a guy’s treatment of me. Well after him, I went on to date tons of more attractive guys because God made a lot of fine men. The point is, this isn’t the end. There are too many fish in the sea to be stuck in a relationship that won’t change. If your false hope isn’t in dating then understand that there are other jobs; there are other schools; there are other places to live. Life doesn’t end here.