“We have to learn to be attracted to the healthier option or we’ll keep ending up hurt. It’s more about who you’re attracted to, and less about who you attract.”
One of my most popular posts is 3 Signs You’re Dating a Man With Mommy Issues. I get views daily on this post and I wrote it over three years ago. Seeing its popularity made me realize that people need more knowledge on the subject. I can definitely say that it isn’t talked about enough at all. Somehow, men have a way of deflecting from the mental and emotional issues they need to work on and shifting the spot light on women. This is why we have thousands of self-help books ,written by men, telling women what we need to do to be better women but less than a hundred books telling men what they need to do to be better men. It’s truly sad and creating a deficit in dating. Women are becoming more mentally and emotionally ready while men are stagnant and complaining. This topic is a story for another day so let’s get back to the issue at hand…why do you attract men with mommy issues.
As previously stated, I have a blog addressing what a man with mommy issues acts like but I’ll state a few facts here. A man with mommy issues is a man who was abandoned by his mom physically and/or emotionally, had a mom who abused or neglected him, or a mom who made him the man of the house too early and/or treated him like a husband instead of a son. These men tend to resent women, lack emotional intelligence, and/or feel as though they are victims and the world owes them something. This shows up as misogyny, lack of accountability, inability to be alone, inability to be faithful, inability to commit, and lack of vulnerability. Until they seek therapy and confront these issues, they will cope with their mommy issues in their romantic relationships. If this sounds like the kind of men you tend to attract, here’s the reason why.
Disclaimer: Before I jump into this, I want to put this disclaimer out. We often use the excuse that the reason we’re single or that we date losers is because we only attract a certain type of person. I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. We all attract different types of people, but it’s most important who we choose to entertain. We have to learn to be attracted to the healthier option or we’ll keep ending up hurt. It’s more about who you’re attracted to, and less about who you attract.
You Have Mommy Issues Too
For most of my life, I thought my dating woes came from the fact that I didn’t have a father in my life. It wasn’t until I sought therapy and remedied my daddy issues that my therapist called out my mommy issues. My mom was very present in my life physically but emotionally, not so much. She did the best she could with what she had. Her parents were emotionally unavailable so she was too. She couldn’t give me the emotional availability I needed growing up because she didn’t know how. This caused me to constantly be attracted to emotionally unavailable men because that’s what I was used to. That is what loved looked like to me. I couldn’t break the cycle until I realized I was stuck in one and what the root was. Many times, we are attracted to people because we share the same trauma. If you’re both healed from that trauma and it’s something you have in common then great. But if it’s how you’re bonding and the foundation of your connection, that’s a recipe for disaster. You could be dating men with mommy issues because you’ve yet to confront your own mommy issues.
You’re Too Eager
Listen, I’ve been single for a long time. I’ve really been single for 90% of my adult life. If anybody is ready for a relationship that leads to marriage, it is me. Although I’m ready, I’m not eager. I’ve dealt with too many wrong situationships that my focus is getting it right. When I do meet someone, I try to take my time so I can see them for who they are as opposed to who I want them to be. When you’re too eager to be in a relationship, every man you date is your potential husband. On the first date you’re asking yourself if they’d be a good father to your future children. Slow your roll, it’s just the first date. You don’t know him like that. Men with mommy issues refuse to be alone so they always have someone. If you’re super eager to let them in physically and emotionally, then you’re an easy target. Learn how to guard your heart above all else because if you don’t, who will?
You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve
I have a big heart and I care about people. For years I hated it because I tended to get played easily. I thought being a good person meant that people would be good to me. Well that’s a big ghetto lie. God had to get my discernment in tact expeditiously before I lost hope in all humans. When you have a big heart, all people gravitate towards you. But men with mommy issues will make you feel special because they want to take part in your caring spirit. They have a void to fill and if you can help them then they will use you. They will drain you of all that care by constantly using you as their shoulder to lean on but they won’t reciprocate this act. When you need them emotionally, they won’t have the ability to be there for you because they most likely don’t know how. Having a good heart and wearing it on your sleeve isn’t a bad thing. But you have to be careful and use discernment. The only way to do that is take your time and truly get to know the person. Don’t put your all in from day one because you aren’t sure if you can trust them with your heart.