“…women put too much emphasis on a man’s happiness totally ignoring their own.”
I was watching an episode of one of my favorite tv shows, Grownish, and I was inspired to write this post. Zoe, played by the beautiful Yara Shahidi, was giving her close friend advice about being stuck in a gray area with the guy she was dating. Zoe asked her what she wanted and then her friend proceeded to answer saying all the things she thinks the guy wanted. Zoe stopped her quickly and yelled “Who cares what he wants?!” In that very moment, I stood up and began a round of applause while telling Alexa to play Megan the Stallion Pimpin because she just solidified that issa hot girl summer. Just kidding guys, I don’t have Alexa. Okay okay but seriously, that was a brilliant question. Not because I could care less about what men think, but because it made me realize that women put too much emphasis on a man’s happiness totally ignoring their own. Her friend was so caught up trying to assume what the guy would say and how he would react by her telling him that she wanted to be his girlfriend that she was settling for the gray area because she didn’t want to ruffle his feathers. Meanwhile, she’s about to go crazy with all the questions in her head that inevitably come with being stuck in the ambiguous gray area. Although this is a fictional show, how many times have you or your homegirl come to you with 21 questions trying to read the mind of the guy you or her are dating? How many times have you or a woman you know chosen to delay the “What are we” conversation to because we didn’t want to upset him? How many times have we totally put our feelings on the back burner because we wanted more effort, more affection, and just more? But he just wanted to coax so we just settled into his pace instead of confronting him with how we actually feel in fear that it would push him away? But in the words of Zoe, “WHO CARES WHAT HE WANTS?!”
“Why do so many women constantly prioritize a man’s happiness over her own?”
I talk to so many women who constantly walk on eggshells to protect the ego of the man they’re dating. All the while, this young lady is suffering in silence while his little ego gets to be put on a pedestal. Why do so many women constantly prioritize a man’s happiness over her own? I’m sorry (not sorry at all really) but if I have to sacrifice my own happiness to please a man then he just isn’t the man I want to be with. Compromise is one thing because there will be moments of temporary sacrifice. You may have to accept not seeing him as much during football season or having to wear headphones to bed if he snores. But if you aren’t truly happy with someone as a whole and it’s because you are too afraid to have a conversation because you assume it’ll make him feel exactly how you feel, then you need to adopt the motto of this post and ask yourself “WHO CARES WHAT HE WANTS?!”
“I’m sorry (not sorry at all really) but if I have to sacrifice my own happiness to please a man then he just isn’t the man I want to be with.”
At some point, we have to understand that we control our happiness in most cases. We have to stop attaching our happiness to human beings because they are flawed and will disappoint us. If you find yourself in a situation like the young lady on Grownish where the person you want doesn’t want what you want, are you going to choose your own happiness or them? And you might be thinking “But they make me happy” and maybe they do but currently, I bet you’re more confused than happy. I can’t be genuinely happy and confused about a situation at the same time, it makes me itch. I need peace and I can’t have it with 21 questions playing in my head about what he may think about me, if he really wants me, does he see a future with me, and blah blah blah. Clarity brings me happiness so I choose tough conversations over comfortable dysfunctional gray areas any day. Do my tough conversations always end how I want them to? Absolutely not. I’ve had many moments where I told a guy “I want to be with you” and his response was something along the lines of “I’m sorry but that’s just not what I’m looking for right now.” Does it hurt at the moment? Yes. But the clarity that comes from it is freeing. It is more beneficial to let someone know exactly what you want so you both can discuss it rather than being in an uncertain situation and wasting your time wondering what’s next and how they really feel about you. Knowing the “What are we?” at least let’s you know how to operate in the relationship or situationship you may find yourself in. And in some cases, like many of mines, it lets you know that you both are on different pages and you need to find someone else on your page. And please don’t blame yourself and think “Oh I must not be pretty enough or dress well enough or be successful enough.” Nope, sometimes it isn’t that you’re asking for too much from that person, it’s that your asking the wrong person.
I know I just said a whole lot and I hope it makes sense because I want you to care more about your own happiness than the person you want to be with. At the end of the day, why does being with them even matter if you aren’t happy? You have to love yourself enough to choose yourself in these situations. That sometimes means walking away from someone you truly care about because you guys don’t want the same thing. That takes strength and confidence that there is someone else out there that does want what you want and you don’t have to wait for it or beg for it. So when you find yourself sacrificing your own happiness to please a guy, yell it to yourself “WHO CARES WHAT HE WANTS?!!!”
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