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When a Man Says This, He Has Commitment Phobia

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“What is more important, a bond or a title?” is a very frequently asked question in the modern world of dating. I am not sure if this happens to other people but I get asked this question around the first or second date. Don’t get me wrong, the answer to this is very important when trying to get to know someone because you always want to know if they want the same thing you want. My issue isn’t the question, it is that I think this is somewhat a rhetorical question. Aren’t they both as equally important? A bond, to me, is the foundation of a relationship. You meet someone, you figure out that you really like them, you begin to get really close to them and dedicate all your time and energy to them and then this bond is given the title of a relationship. This person is now your girlfriend/boyfriend, bae, boo thang, or whatever you want to call them in your Instagram caption. In my opinion the bond comes first then the title. I feel that you really can’t have 1 without the other.

Now when asked this question, I always act like I haven’t heard it before because I want to know the idiotic theory that will be released from the lips of the person who asked me. My response normally sounds like “I don’t know, which is more important to you?” and that’s when the foolishness begins. “Well you know I think if we vibing then why do we need to put a title on it? That just adds pressure…” or my favorite “I think we should just let it flow…” All of this is a bunch of bull and when I hear it I’m hearing “I don’t want a relationship with you, I really just want them butt cheeks.”

We live in a day and age where casual dating rules. Most men want to have all the perks of being in a relationship without committing 100%. They want you to cook for them, only see them, meet their friends and family, buy them things, take care of them while their sick, let them claim your kids on their taxes, but no one wants to call you their boyfriend/girlfriend because that’ll only complicate things so you’re just stuck with a “bond”. It’s like completing all your college courses and semester hours but the Dean says you don’t need a degree because a title doesn’t matter.

The reason I think this way is because I want marriage one day. If I date a man who just wants to “let it flow” or who doesn’t care to define our relationship then I’m losing and he’s winning. If a man really wants you, he won’t put any caps on what your relationship could possibly turn into. He won’t lead with “let’s just let it flow” or “we don’t need a definition” because he would never leave the door open for another man to get you. Men who say “A bond is more important than a title” usually have commitment phobias or you’re just not the woman they want to be with. It is a tough reality but it is reality. So know what you want and go for it. If having no title fits you then be free and casual. But if you know you want a bond that leads to a defined, committed relationship then don’t just settle for a bond. Get a man who will give you both!

 

 

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