“Being on your own romantically doesn’t have to mean a life of loneliness and isolation. It simply means that you are not tied to a fellow human being in your life choices.”
The idea of being single can conjure up images of too many cats, spinster style older women, and loneliness. Just the thought of being single after 30 can send many women into a panic attack. Although women are more independent and free now more than ever, many still desire marriage. I hate to admit this but if we’re being honest, women control sex but men still control relationships in most scenarios. If a woman wants to be married or in a committed relationship, most of the times it won’t happen unless the guy decides to commit. On top of that, women are still being criticized for not having babies at a certain age. People still squint their eyebrows at me when I freely admit that I don’t desire kids until I’m 35. Don’t get me started on the times when I visit my family and they insist that I need to be finding a nice man and buying a house soon. Who cares that I have goals that I’m pursuing that don’t require a man? It’s all about marriage and babies in their eyes.
If this sounds like your life, don’t fret, you’re not alone. I too deal with the judgements from others and people always asking me “Why are you single?” as if being in a relationship or married is the standard. It’s time to forget about what others think and relish your singledom. There’s nothing worse than entering into a relationship before you are ready, settling for a partner who doesn’t make you happy, or rushing down the aisle simply because your friends are getting hitched and you feel left out. It’s ok to be single.
Being single means that you answer to nobody and have all the time in the world to work on your own mental and emotional wellbeing. Rebounding from relationship to relationship means that you can lose your sense of identity. You become known as Donny’s other half, Mike’s ball and chain, or Kevin’s latest squeeze. Instead, embrace your own sense of self and work on becoming comfortable and happy in your own skin.
As a single woman, you are empowered to live on your own, find your own hobbies, and pursue your own friendships. You don’t have to be forever seeking a relationship. Be content in the time you have to yourself. Rather than leaping headfirst into every dating app you’ve heard of because you are terrified of being alone, take a step back and get a little perspective. Sure, online dating is fun, but you don’t have to be hunting for an avenue out of singledom. Being single isn’t a bad place to be. Instead, embrace it and enjoy the freedom that being unattached brings.
Being single means that you aren’t exclusively attached to anyone. This means you can date freely and take your time to work out what it is that you want out of a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to be promiscuous or play roulette with your sexual health. You need to be wise and treat your body with the respect it deserves. While the emergency contraceptive pill has become the most empowering aspect of women’s sexuality in a generation, this isn’t something that you should taken for granted when it comes to sexual relationships. Consider your self-worth and be confident when it comes to dating decisions. Celibacy is also a doable option while dating. I’ve been celibate for 3 years and the level of clarity I’ve experienced in dating is unmatched. Check out my post How to be Celibate if you’re curious about the process.
When you’re 100% single, you can go for a few dinners every week, meet different people, enjoy seeing the world through new perspectives and have a little bit of fun along the way. You aren’t in a relationship, you aren’t cheating, and you aren’t living like a nun. Being single doesn’t mean a life of misery and it can be the perfect way to deduce what you want from a future relationship.
If you have spent much of the past decade in one sort of relationship or another, you might have lost your way. Having unhealthy co-dependencies can result in you forgetting how to cope on your own. You may have lost touch with close friends, you may have relied on another individual for money, and you might not have chosen your own clothing or makeup for years, instead choosing to pin your sense of self-worth on the opinion of someone else.
Being single gives you the chance to change all this. Now you can unshackle yourself from the negative feelings of past relationships and learn to love yourself again. It’s a cliche that is found in every rom-com from the 1990s but it’s true: you can only ever have a healthy relationship if you learn to love yourself first.
Remaining consciously single gives you some much needed breathing space to work on yourself. Learn the piano, spend some time learning a language, go traveling, enjoy heading on a spa weekend with girlfriends, and relish every opportunity to experience new things and see new vistas. Every new experience you have will teach you something more about yourself. In the long run, this will make you more picky when it comes to choosing a life partner and can help you to find your soulmate.
Just because everyone around you is fitting the typical stereotype of dating for two years, getting engaged, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids before settling into a routine doesn’t mean that you have to follow suit. Being single can be a choice of lifestyle that shouldn’t have the negative connotations that it often does. Being on your own romantically doesn’t have to mean a life of loneliness and isolation. It simply means that you are not tied to a fellow human being in your life choices. You can still enjoy the company of the opposite sex and enjoy a flirtation here and there, but you don’t readily commit to a lifetime of shackles.
For many people, the single life suits them more as they are eager to spread their wings at a moment’s notice. For those individuals who love their freedom, have pangs of wanderlust on a regular basis and want to be able to move jobs, travel or be spontaneous, a relationship can be challenging to maintain.
It doesn’t matter whether you find yourself single by choice or by design; you don’t have to see it as a period of limbo before you find yourself a meaningful relationship. Forget about hunting for love and embrace your singledom. This gives you every chance of finding a new sense of self-worth, confidence and contentment in your life.
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