“Cuffing season is among us…”
Cuffing season is among us and I want you to avoid the pitfalls. As you know, men will come out of the woodworks because their hot girls didn’t work out for them so now they need someone warm to cuddle up with and possibly cook their meals. There’s also a big homeless epidemic amongst men so they will try to move in so STAY WOKE. I don’t want my wonderful followers to fall into these traps so I have a few pointers to help you avoid harbouring homeless men in your home all winter.
Block Everybody Trash…If he’s in your phone and you KNOW he’s trash and has a tendency to “hey big head” you every 2-3 months, BLOCK HIM NOW. These are the main ones who will catch you off guard on a lonely Saturday night and you will rationalize reasons to allow him to come over. DO NOT DO IT.
Create a “Netflix and Chill” probationary period…I get that you get lonely and bored but you have to stop letting men you just met on Bumble or Tinder come over after the first date. This is how you get unwanted house guests. One day he’s asking to stay the night, the next minute he needs to stay on your couch for a month because “his apartment isn’t ready”. Now you’re in court trying to get an eviction notice. Listen, stop being so trusting with these folks. If you wouldn’t let him drive your car, then he can’t stay the night or Netflix and chill. Pace yourself because lonely will lead you to some irrational decisions.
“If you wouldn’t let him drive your car, then he can’t stay the night or Netflix and chill.”
Get a workout routine…I know this caught you off guard but hear me out. Working out is an excellent distraction. Studies show that exercise actually makes you happy so you can feel better in this cuffing season if you’re not getting cuffed. If you focus on your fitness goals, you’ll be less focused on these homeless men. I just joined a gym called HotWorx and I’m digging it. (If you join, make sure you tell them Ashleigh from Smyrna, GA referred you so I can get my credits.) You’ll also be ready for Hot Girl Spring and Summer. It’s a win/win situation.
Get accountability partners…Holiday season is a little tougher to be single because you start thinking about how you’re going to be single at Thanksgiving again and your aunts keep asking you when you’re going to have a kid because you’re not getting any younger. Yes, I get it. But you’re not the only one going through this. Start a group text with your other single friends and if you are dating, run each candidate by them. They can evaluate the situation and tell you if it’s a real connection or you’re just lonely. They can also keep you from sending your own “Hey big head” texts. This is a community effort. No single woman left behind!
- Get a pet…I always say all single people need a dog. I just so happened to love animals so I already have a 9 year old Shih Tzu and he is excellent company. He really isn’t because all he does is sleep and eat but I’m sure your pet will be far better than mines. If you don’t really like animals, get a fish, they die quick plus they aren’t much work. I just want you to have some sort of companion this season. It’ll distract you from your thoughts of loneliness.
- Bulk up on Sweatshirts…Listen, it’s cold out here. You don’t have a man’s sweatshirt to steal so you have to get your own. Who needs a dude to cuddle with when you got your own fabulous sweatshirts? (I know some of yawl are cussing me out because a sweatshirt can’t replace a man but that’s your problem, always being negative.)
I hope my advice has helped you avoid homeless men and actually have joy in this cuffing season. This post is very lighthearted but I seriously want you to shift your perspective. I say this all the time but relationships don’t automatically make you happier. If you get sad every time people tell you that you’re “supposed to be in a relationship”, your issue is deeper than being single. You need to really figure out why being alone makes you unhappy because if you can’t be happy with yourself, how is someone else supposed to be happy with you?
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