It’s Not Your Flaws, It’s Your Mindset


“How many times have you counted yourself out because you thought you weren’t pretty enough or good enough?”

The other day, I saw a young man I used to date in college. We talked for a little minute about life currently and then began to reminisce about the old days. We brought up a situation about how one day, we were coming out of his room and his living room was full of his male friends. My face was red in embarrassment because I just knew they were calling me all sort of jezebels when I left. I did a smooth “walk of shame’ in front of about ten college guys. We laughed about it and I expressed to him how I was so embarrassed and they probably called me a slut and a half. He tilted his head in confusion and said “Nah, they thought you were my girl so they didn’t say anything.” His girl?! Say what now? I was so confused because we were in a strong situationship. He was a pretty popular guy and we were only dating for about a month at the time. I never thought he referred to me as his girl. Deep down, I didn’t think he wanted me on a girlfriend level due to insecurities I had within myself. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough or popular enough. After the walk of shame incident, I felt so insecure that I self-sabotaged the situation two weeks later because I felt like he would never date a girl like me. Crazy, I know, but that’s how I felt about myself. Then here we are, ten years later, and he tells me that he actually really liked me and claimed me as his girl. Imagine the stupid look on my face thinking I was just temporary to him. In that moment it hit me; it wasn’t my flaws, it was my mindset.

“When you think you’re flawed, you can’t see when someone wants you.”

Let me take it back because I know I just gave you a lot of information at once. How many times have you counted yourself out because you thought you weren’t pretty enough or good enough? How many times have you compared yourself to a woman you felt was perfect leaving you feeling like a troll? When we have the mindset that we aren’t good enough, we lose before going into battle. I grew up so insecure. I was bullied in elementary and middle school. In high school, I didn’t have money so although I felt prettier, I couldn’t dress like the popular girls. I felt my dress game was wack and my buck teeth hindered everything so why would a guy ever make me his girlfriend? I carried myself that way for a long time. I honestly think I didn’t come out of it until last year at age 27. I finally stopped walking in my flaws and began to walk in my strengths. I started to accept who I was and understand that I don’t need to change anything to be accepted by any man. My flaws never made me undateable; it was my mindset. When you think you’re flawed, you can’t see when someone wants you. You have to change your mindset and accept yourself before you can feel accepted by anyone else.

“We have to stop trying to fix what is perfect.”

Many times, we feel men aren’t gravitating towards us because we’re too fat, or too skinny, or our boobs are too small;when in actuality, men actually do like us but we’re so busy counting ourselves out that we’re ignoring how many men are counting us in. Real men understand that looks only go so far. They prefer a woman who has substance beyond what she thinks may be her flaws. Society has brainwashed us into thinking that men only care about appearance. So we waste our time in beauty salons, scrolling through Instagram trying to see the new trends, and saving up for unnecessary plastic surgeries. Meanwhile, men are screaming “GIRL YOUR’RE AMAZING! JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!” We have to stop trying to fix what isn’t broken. When your mindset changes, so will the people you attract and the energy you attract as well. Building your self-worth will make you chase dreams you’ve never chased before, reach for levels you’ve never seen before, and treat yourself like you’ve never been treated before. Understand that sometimes, it isn’t about what people think about you, it’s about what you think about you. Because from the outside looking in, it isn’t your flaws…it’s your mindset.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

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