“Many times when we want a relationship really badly, we hold on to toxic people because of the fear of being alone.”
If you asked most women “What is the hardest part about being single?”, you would get several answers. Many would say the horrible choices of men, others would say battling with loneliness, and some might say constantly having to see everyone else in relationships and wondering when it’s your turn. Well if you asked me, I think the hardest part about dating is the waiting part. It fuels every other struggle. Think about it…it’s harder to fight lonely when you have no idea when your husband is coming. It’s even harder looking on your timeline seeing everyone getting engaged and married while waiting for your prince charming. It even gets harder not to settle for an awful guy because you get into a mind-frame of “well I guess I can just date him because there aren’t any other prospects.” Honestly, I have had all of these thoughts before. I actually still have these thoughts but they are just not as loud as they have been in the past. Although waiting for the right guy is really tough, I would rather wait than end up with someone awful just because I’m lonely. At this point, I feel I have waited this long so I refuse to for my waiting to go in vain so I will wait for God’s best. But how do we wait for a good man? You see, getting a man is easy for most women. There are constantly men who are interested, but the challenge is getting a good man. Good men are still hard to find. Seeing that f boys have taken over the world and good men tend to play the background, waiting for that good man to find you becomes tough sometimes. But with these tips, hopefully it’ll get a little easier…
- Tip 1: Focus on Your Why… Why do you want to be in a relationship? I don’t think people really sit down and ask themselves this question. Do you want one because everyone else has one? Do you want a relationship because you feel it will make you feel better? Do you want one because you’re just tired of being alone? These are all awful reasons honestly. All of these reasons are attached to emotions or other people. If your only reason for wanting another person in your life is because you feel like having a man or because everyone else has one, then you may want to rethink your readiness. Relationships don’t always feel good. Just like being single, there are ups and downs. You have to consider an entire person when making simple decisions. You can’t move selfishly anymore, you have to be selfless many times. This takes a strong person, a person who doesn’t make decisions solely based off emotions alone. My why for wanting a relationship is because I logically believe I am close to being on track to my destiny. I think I have set a strong foundation for my future and having a partner could enhance my journey. Yes, I love the companionship portion and the emotion, but it isn’t the main reason I want a relationship. Before this season in my life, I wanted a relationship because I just didn’t like being alone. The issue with that was I could rarely focus on my passion and goals because my mind was so set on finding a man. That turned into desperation. I allowed my work and ambitions to fall to the waist side because I was so focused on a man. If you focus on the why, it may help you to discover that there are other aspects of your life that need to be dealt with before your good man arrives. What are you neglecting in your pursuit for a relationship?
- Tip 2: What About Your Friends…I don’t know about you but in my time of need, I call on my girlfriends (Sings Girlfriends theme song). I remember being in a relationship and missing the times I could go out and hang with the girls. Well now, I have plenty of time. I can go where I want when I want and I don’t even have to shower when I come home if I’m too tired to. (Don’t you judge me! Sometimes you’re too tipsy to remove your clothes before bed so a shower is out of the question.) Use this time to grow friendships, networks, or even try some new things that you’ve wanted to cross off your bucket list. This will not only fill that space on days when you’re feeling lonely, but it’ll also let you get to know yourself more. Discover some things about yourself that you never really knew.
“God gave me strength to resist the temptation of instant gratification.”
- Tip 3: Date Without Expectations…This is huge! The issue with dating while wanting a relationship is that every person you date, you expect them to be your future husband. Well that isn’t true and women have to learn to date without expectations. What that means is going into every dating situation with no intentions. The only thing you’re attempting to do is get to know that person and have fun. You of course have your standards, but you aren’t expecting this person so be anything. They are just your space filler for the evening that has the privilege of accompanying wherever you decide to go. The great part of dating without expectations is that you learn two things: 1) You learn to pace yourself and not give too much to soon. Since you aren’t dating with the expectations of marrying this person, you can set the pace of the situation. Let it be fun and free flowing. If you feel pressure, you’re probably doing this wrong. It’s just a date, not a dating show where in the end he may propose. 2) You learn how to walk away from things and people you don’t like. Many times when we want a relationship really badly, we hold on to toxic people because of the fear of being alone. Well when your are dating without expectations, you can leave the situations you don’t like without feeling badly about it. You guys aren’t committed so understanding that this person just isn’t it for you is great. Move on and and continue to wait for your good man.
- Tip 4: Pray about it…I can’t take the credit for my ability to take the hard way and just wait for a good man. Without God, I would probably be out here in a pointless relationship or juggling 3 guys and a girl like Nola Darling from She’s Gotta Have It. God gave me strength to resist the temptation of instant gratification. He let’s me know that His love is enough so I don’t have to force it with anyone else. If you struggle with being single, please pray about it. For a long time, I resisted going to God about my love life. I felt like it was stupid and He had more important things to do like save souls. Well God actually wants to be apart of every aspect of our life, including matters of the heart. Pray about your love life and let Him strengthen you to wait for the right guy. It won’t be easy but with Him, you can do all things.
I know waiting is hard, especially when you don’t know when it is coming but you can do this. Think of it like waiting on a promotion at work. Continue to work hard on your assignments, and in due time, someone will recognize what you bring to the table and you’ll get what you’ve worked and waited for.