“Liking someone and respecting someone isn’t mutually exclusive.”
Last year, I had a brief moment with a male friend when we decided to try dating. It was short lived but I learned something very valuable. He was a bit of a thot but when it came to me, I saw him trying to move differently to impress me. This was before we even attempted to date. He was making changes because he wanted me to take him seriously. One day, I asked him what made him want to make such extreme changes instead of continuing his path in Thotland? He gave a simple answer,
“I not only like you, I also respect you.”
I was a bit taken aback because I thought if you liked someone, you automatically respected them. Well, that’s a huge myth. Liking someone and respecting someone isn’t mutually exclusive. You see, to like someone means to get pleasure from or to feel affection for that person. But to respect someone means to feel deep admiration for them due to their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Now can you see why the two don’t come as a package deal? So if you’re dating someone and they just like you but lack respect, you should definitely exit stage left because it’s better to be respected than to be liked. I would prefer waiting for a relationship where both affection and respect are present but that’s just me. In the meantime, these are the signs that a guy likes you but doesn’t respect you…
• When he lies about things and takes away your right to choose…“I lie to you because I care about your feelings” is the biggest lie Jodie told in Baby Boy. What’s sad is the amount of women who actually believe this crap. If a man is holding something back from you that could possibly hurt you emotionally, wouldn’t changed behavior be more beneficial than lying about it? If he’s holding the truth, it’s because he’s selfish and only wants what’s best for him. He could care less about how you feel. This is a sure sign that he does NOT respect you, he just wants you around.
• When he is reckless with how he speaks to you…I’ve witnessed men say disrespectful things to women to their face and act like it’s a joke on several occasions. It’s no joke, that’s truly how he feels deep down. If he calls you bi*** or a garden tool in a playful manner to your face, please believe that’s what he’s calling you when you’re not around. If you’ve ever been victim to this scenario I’m sure it made you uncomfortable but you brushed it off because you liked him. Well darling, he may like you too but he definitely doesn’t respect you.
• When he doesn’t care to understand your point of view…You’ve told him over and over and over what bothers you but nothing has changed. And if it does change, it only changes for a few days so he can get back in your good graces but then things go right back to being the same. It’s because he knows you’re not going anywhere. If he respected you, he’d be afraid of losing you. But he isn’t afraid because you’ve probably shown him that you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away so why should he.
“If he respected you, he’d be afraid of losing you.”
• When he doesn’t defend you and allows others disrespect you…If he let’s his friends talk about you, his family say whatever to you, and/or his ex girlfriends or baby mother(s) bash you, then he doesn’t respect you. A man that holds a woman in high regard won’t allow anybody to talk crazy to her or about her. Now some women reading this may be a little crazy so let me clarify. I’m not talking about if you guys are out and a group of men are cat calling and he keeps walking because it’s not safe or even smart to say something. I’m talking about in everyday scenarios when you hear him talking to his friends or family and they say something crazy about you and he doesn’t check them. He says stuff like “Let them think what they want.” He does not respect you or care if others respect you either.
• When he doesn’t make you feel secure mentally and/or emotionally…Listen, if a man respects you, you’ll know it. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused. I stole that from Instagram somewhere but you get the point. If a man has you in a gray area and you’re fighting to get out of it, it could be due to a lack of respect on his part. Especially if you have asked him on several occasions what direction the relationship is going in. If he doesn’t care enough about you to give you concrete answers or even have an adult conversation about it, then it’s because he has no respect for how you feel. He will do stuff like deflect or try to turn the tables on you and make you feel crazy. If you are confused about where you stand with a guy and you have been dating him for a while, it’s because he wants you to be confused. There’s something about confusion that keeps us women holding on. I think it’s because we want to crack some sort of code. We want the answers. At some point your clarity and happiness has to become more important than your need to understand him.
“If you are confused about where you stand with a guy and you have been dating him for a while, it’s because he wants you to be confused.”
• When he doesn’t value your opinion and attempts to make you feel stupid for thinking differently…When a man respects you, he will not only value your opinion but he’ll ask you for it. Men know that we’re the smarter gender, trust me. But if you have a guy that constantly ignores what you have to say or makes a joke of your opinion in a way that belittles you then he does not respect you. He believes you’re just there for his pleasure, not to enrich his life.
I hope this post helps to free someone from the captivity of disrespect. I’ve been in situations like this before and they don’t feel good. You can never fully capture a man’s heart if he doesn’t respect you. A man can call you his girlfriend, fiancé, and even wife but lack respect for you. Don’t be blinded by titles. It’s about how he treats you. There’s no peace in a love that lacks respect.
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