How to Stop Overthinking While Dating


“Know your worth and be proud about that price tag.”

Dating sucks.

We’ve all said it before or thought it. But if we’re being honest, does it really? I truly believe dating is supposed to be fun but most of the wounds we incur during the process are self-inflicted. I once heard a sermon talk about how dating is about discovery. You aren’t supposed to be thinking about if you can marry the person tomorrow. You should be more focused on discovering their personality, if they have things in common with you, the things you want to deal with and/or don’t want to deal with, etc. But somehow, dating has become this excruciating interview process where you spend the majority of the time overthinking rather than enjoying the person or paying attention to obvious red flags.

“What do I wear?”

“Can I double text him or is it too soon?”

“Should he be paying for the first date?” (Yes, yes he should.)

“What does it mean when he texts me all the time but doesn’t ask to see me?” (It means he should be blocked)

“Can I FaceTime him without an appointment?”

Questions like these plague your brain and can send you into a whirlwind of unnecessary thoughts. It makes you want to never date again. But don’t fret, I’m here to help. Here are my 5 tips to stop overthinking while dating.

⁃ Be realistic with your expectations…What do you expect when dating? I think too many times we expect too much too soon and get disappointed when we don’t get it. I’ll use myself as an example. In the past, I dated so many losers that I felt like I was owed for the mistakes of my exes. So I expected the new guy to know exactly what I liked and how I liked it and if he didn’t, I’d get upset. I expected him to know that I required communication consistently. I expected him to know I like surprises and affection. I expected him to know when and why I was angry without me having to tell him. And if he didn’t, I would be furious and throw tantrums until I either cut him off prematurely for not reading my mind or he cut me off. When you date, be realistic about the expectations you have. That man just met you, he doesn’t know you. The point of dating is for him to get to know you. If he makes a mistake, correct him and explain to him how you like things gradually. If he seems like he can’t get with it, then he can get lost but at least give the man a chance first.

⁃ Know what you’re bringing to the table…Listen, if you don’t know who you are and what you have to offer then you shouldn’t be dating. You have to be 110% in tune with who you are as a person so no one can take advantage of you. Confidence is silent. You don’t have to tell anyone what you bring to the table, they’ll know and be very happy to fight for you so they don’t risk losing you. A man can sniff out insecurity and lack of self-esteem a mile away and it’ll totally effect the type of man you attract. If you’re confused about what you bring to the table, you’ll run the risk of accepting less than you deserve. It sounds cliche but if you’ve been hurt before it was probably by a guy you settled for when you were desperate or unaware of your value. Know your worth and be proud about that price tag.

⁃ Don’t let dating consume you…You ever met a person that didn’t have a life outside of their significant other? It’s like if they weren’t with their boo they were talking about being with their boo? Don’t let that be you. When you allow dating to consume you, it’s usually a sign that you’re trying to fill a void. I wrote a post called Never Date While Running on Empty that gives more insight. It’s not healthy at all because you’ll find yourself in an identity crisis not knowing who you are outside of that person. I explain that in my post I Found Love But Lost Myself. Again, dating is about discovery, not finding someone to “complete you”.

⁃ Have standards and stick with them…If you follow me on Instagram, you would’ve seen my recent post about Standing on Your StandardsWhat are standards even? Standards are rules that you set for yourself to reach goals. Typically when you date, you have a goal in mind. And even if that goal isn’t marriage or a relationship, it’s at least to not repeat same old dating habits that left you unhappy in the past. So you set standards to NOT date that type of person again.  Standards could be

  • I will not date men who are unsure about their future.
  • I will not date men without jobs.
  • I will not date men who don’t know and love God.
  • I will not date men who think polygamy is an option.
  • I will not date men who don’t make me a priority.

The thing about standards is, they don’t work if you don’t actually stand on them. Just because you meet a guy who is cute and you “vibe” with, doesn’t mean you can bend the rules. Then you’ll end up making the same dating mistakes you wish to avoid.

⁃ Have fun…Surprisingly, this is easier said than done. I’ve seen women be so nervous or uptight about making the right impression that they don’t even have fun on the dates. I try to show a guy as much of me as possible on the first date because I want him to know what’s he’s getting himself into. I’d rather him leave on date 1 rather than after year 1. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So I’m going to be my goofy and free self on the first date and have fun. I really could care less about what he thinks because this is me. Take it or leave it buddy! But please remember that dates are supposed to be fun. This isn’t an audition or interview; it’s a date. Have fun and be yourself.

Share this post or comment below if it helped you or gave you more insight on dating.

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