“Be the woman you want your husband to marry.”
I was doing my bible study and I came across a scripture that stood out to me. If you have your bibles, please turn to 2 Peter 2:14. It reads…
Peter 2:14 With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed-an accursed brood!
The part that shook me was “they seduce the unstable”. Another translation says “enticing unstable souls.” So basically, these men who have eyes filled with adultery are targeting a certain type of woman; the unstable kind. Let me go back a little bit and give you a better understanding of this scripture. In this chapter, Peter was speaking about ungodly people who have snuck in the church with false teachings. He was telling us how to identify these people by their sins and one of their sins is adultery. But the fact that it not only said these men basically cheat on their wives, but it tells us what kind of women they cheat with. (The bible is lit, yawl should read it sometimes.) This is a major observation that many women should pay attention to. I have several women tell me how they always attract men who are married or in a relationship, and they wonder why. Well this scripture suggests that maybe they have a characteristic that these men look for, maybe they are unstable?
What I am NOT saying is all women who attract married men are unstable. That’s just not true because some men are just dirty dogs and they don’t care if you’re stable, unstable, black, white, red, or purple, they just want them panty draws. But what I am saying is, if the bulk of the men you attract are married or in a relationship, you may want to take a look at what you’re putting out in the atmosphere. What many don’t understand is that what we give off effects what we attract. For example, I used to feel worthless so I attracted men who didn’t value women much because I didn’t value myself much. So if your emotions are unstable, then you will attract a man who can manipulate your already unstable emotions. You then become the prey instead of the prize.
But what do I mean by unstable? I feel like we have all been unstable at some point in life, especially as it relates to dating. I am referring to being unstable in your emotions. Maybe you grew up with an emotionally unavailable mom or dad. Maybe you went through something very traumatic and you haven’t dealt with that yet. Maybe you just got out of a breakup and you feel deeply insecure. Or maybe you just live in Atlanta and you have dated and you feel hopeless and desperate because dating here will leave you feeling that way. If you have those feelings presently and you see a pattern in the type of men you attract, this may be why. But how do you fight this instability? How do you become the women he prays for instead of preys on? Here are a few tips to get to a point of stability.
Hold yourself to a higher standard…I have been the girl that the married man has tried to date but it was never a pattern. It was a few here and there but they all hid their wives from me because they knew I wasn’t going for it. The reason being was because I hold myself to a higher standard. I’m not better than anyone but my morals are solid. I also live by “you reap what you sow” and I don’t have time to be reaping up a cheating husband. If a married guy makes advances at me, I just choose not to engage or help him cheat. I am not loud about it nor do I tell his wife, I just remove myself from the equation. Be the woman you want your husband to marry. You don’t have to settle for being number anything because when you receive the man God has for you, you will be the only one. Hold yourself to that standard and refuse to compromise your morals. You don’t have to share what God has for you.
“…it’s not his obligation to heal you, it is only his obligation to love you.”
Heal first, date later…I say this all the time but I have to mention it because it’s key to stability. If you haven’t healed from past traumas, you will never be stable. We have to stop dating to heal and heal before dating. Trashy men prey on emotionally weak women. Most of that weakness comes from a lack of healing. It’s hard to be confident when you feel worthless and void of self-love. And confidence goes a LONG way. Men are actually more attracted to confidence than your physical. They will never admit that out loud but it’s true. Strong men like women who know who they are so he doesn’t have to overcompensate, he can just compliment her and that’ll put a smile on her face. But if you’re looking for a man to fill a void, you’re requiring way too much from him so he can’t just compliment you to make you happy. He has to compliment you, prove his love for you, fight a dragon to get to your heart, then bring you the moon. It shouldn’t be that hard because it’s not his obligation to heal you, it is only his obligation to love you. If you’re looking for someone to complete you, stop dating because you have some self-work to do.
Lead with wisdom, not emotion…You guys may shun me for saying this but I think the whole “follow your heart” thing is a bunch of bull. There is even scripture on it.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?
Emotions are temporary but certain decisions can be permanent. Why would you allow a temporary emotion to make a permanent decision? It makes absolutely no sense. This is why we have to lead with our brains and not our hearts. Most of us are smarter than we realize. We have been through so much and we are wise but we fail to access that wisdom when emotions get involved. This is why we have to ask ourselves, is this a head decision or a heart decision? I am not saying to be cold hearted, but I am saying to slow down and evaluate the situation. I will give you a practical example. You know how we get mad at men for leaving when a woman cheats because we typically stay if a man cheats? You ever wonder the real reason why? Aside from the fact that men are very prideful, they also lead with their brains in most instances. Men understand that their emotions are temporary so they innately lead with their wisdom. Women wouldn’t settle as much as we do if we adopted the male way of thinking in certain instances. So if you are feeling iffy about a situation, pause and really evaluate it. If you are trying to figure if you should give a guy another chance or date someone who has a tricky situation, tell them you need time to think and actually do so. He isn’t going anywhere and if he does, there’s your answer. We have to stop leading with our hearts because it leaves us in foolish situations.
My main goal is to help heal someone or bring awareness to certain situations and I hope I did this for you today. If you think so, please subscribe, comment, and share. Be sure to follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Remember, the goal is to be the prize and not the prey.