“If you’re single like me, I can understand how this time of year can feel somewhat torturous. It’s a reminder that you’re not married or in a relationship yet.”
Thanksgiving is a great time of the year. You get days off from work, you get to see family you don’t see often, and you get to eat your guilty pleasures guilt free. It’s actually one of my favorite holidays because of the food, duh. But I can see how this can be a depressing season for some. Many people feel extremely lonely around this time of the year. Some due to grief, others due to lack of family, and many due to lack of spouse. If you’re single like me, I can understand how this time of year can feel somewhat torturous. It’s a reminder that you’re not married or in a relationship yet. Normally, you wouldn’t care. But when you’re around family who asks “Where’s your date?” every year or when you’re on social media and everyone seems to be in marital bliss, it can cause a depressing feeling. Well I’m here to ease your thoughts. Here are 5 things to remember when single on Thanksgiving.
You Don’t Need a Date
I get it, every year your mom asks you for grand babies. Or it’s that hating aunty that says smart remarks like “Still single huh, might as well go to the other side.” I understand that people have this false belief that Thanksgiving equals date. But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. The family gathering operates just fine without you bringing some random somebody who isn’t worth it around your family. Dates on Thanksgiving are like ponytails, you can’t force it. Rid yourself of the pressure of thinking you’re somehow less valuable without a dinner date. That’s a lie. Anyone who questions you, tell them…
“I’m too valuable and I respect my family too much to bring an unworthy subject to dinner. I know many people force love just to have somebody but I myself have found peace in my solitude and I’m looking for a partner; an asset, not a liability.”
Other People’s Opinions Don’t Matter
People pleasing doesn’t look good on you. Truly, it doesn’t look good on anyone. It’s human nature to want acceptance and honestly that’s okay. But acceptance shouldn’t drive you crazy. No one has to live your life but you. People love projecting their thoughts and opinions on others as if they’ve walked in your shoes. They have not and never will. I’m giving you permission to be free from everyone’s opinions. I know you want to make your family proud but the truth is, no one can please everybody. The person you should be working to please the most is yourself. So if you’re pleased with you, your judgmental family’s opinion won’t matter. Focus on your own focus and tune out everyone who wants to tell you how to live your life. Opinions are like turkeys on Thanksgiving, everybody has one.
Ignore Texts From Your Ex
Tis the season for unknown numbers and holiday texts. This is the perfect time for those old situationships to pop their head back in. It’s also the time for your toxic ex to check in and check your temperature. Be like pasta salad, cold. I know being single for the holidays wakes up the feeling of loneliness but don’t fall into the trap of a lonely fling. If they can’t text you outside of the holiday season, then you obviously don’t mean much to them. Trust me, they copied and pasted that text they sent to you and sent it to about two other women. It’s strength in numbers and if you respond you’ll just be a number on their roster. Nope, alone you walked into Thanksgiving and alone you’re walking out. Unless your cousin brings a fine friend to dinner then you can work with that.
Comparison is The Thief of Joy
Social media is a bad idea when single for the holidays. It seems like everyone is happy and getting engaged. You also get to see men who were just in your DMs post their secret families. The internet can be a ghetto place sometimes. The most important thing is to not compare yourself to others. Focus on being thankful for the family members who are still alive and healthy that you get to fellowship with. Be thankful for the food you get to eat guilt free because no one judges intake during the holidays. Be thankful for being off work and getting to relax. Sounds cliche but seriously, focus on what you’re blessed with right now in this moment. Comparison will just steal your joy and distract you from all that you have right in front if your face.
“Supposed to Be” Doesn’t Exist
Coulda, woulda, shoulda are all false narratives that don’t exist. Could have lives in the past. Would have lives in the past. Should have also lives in the past. So why do we focus so much on the rearview mirror when the windshield is bigger? The hardest part about growing up and living life is making mistakes and overcoming what we perceive as failure. Unfortunately, many of us have family that constantly reminds us of what we shoulda done to be in a better position. Ignore this negativity because they too have something that they shoulda done but didn’t. If it was in God’s plan, it woulda been done so stop keeping yourself captured in the world of “shoulda”. Kindly tell anyone who tries to throw your past in your face “I’m not smarter than God and neither are you. What happened was supposed to happen. It’s now my lesson to lead me to my destiny.” Free yourself of the reality that doesn’t exist and live in the reality that does.