Although the title fits what you are about to read, it can still be a little misleading. You see, I am not writing this for people who are already aware that they aren’t ready for a relationship. This is for the individuals who may be on the fence about dating someone and wondering why they just can’t get it right. They are so worried about what’s wrong with the other person that they haven’t stopped to look in the mirror. Have you ever wondered that the reason it isn’t working could be you? This isn’t to call you flawed or broken because you’re not. This is to say that maybe you just aren’t ready. You may have a huge heart with a lot of great characteristics and could be a blessing to someone but maybe your timing isn’t God’s timing. It may not be time for you to love right now. I am speaking from experience. I dated over and over and over and kept running into the wrong men and wondering why and the entire time it was me. I wasn’t ready although I wanted love so bad. If you’re tired of the same dating cycles and wondering if it is you, here are five signs that you’re not ready for a relationship.
5) You’re Not Over Your Ex: “In order to get over someone you have to get under someone new” is by far the dumbest advice I have ever heard given. Yes, it makes it easier to move on…in the beginning. But what many don’t realize is that you aren’t get over anything, you’re actually just ignoring it but it never actually goes away. If you are newly single and you haven’t gotten over your ex, you are not ready for a relationship. Even if you have been single for a while but you still think about them heavily, check their social media, or wonder if they will text or call you, then you aren’t ready either. You will only end up comparing your new situation with your past or falling into the rebound trap. The rebound trap is when you meet someone and you fall for them really quickly just because you want them to rescue you from your pain. The issue is you either 1) Snap out of it after a month or so and realize you don’t even like that person but you were just using them to ease them pain or 2) Fall for the wrong rebound and end up stuck because they’re an awful person you never would’ve dated if you weren’t still in love with your ex. Just do yourself a favor and heal before trying to jump into something new. When you move on too fast someone ends up getting hurt. It’ll either be you or that innocent party that you brought into you toxic mix of emotions. I’ve written a book on how to get over your ex just in case you’re struggling to do so. It is entitled How to X Your Ex, click here for more info.
4) You’re Too Eager: This was me. I was the eager beaver. I did not know what take it slow meant at all. As soon as I met a guy, I was already planning for him to meet my family by week two. I was so anxious for love that I couldn’t see anything else. If you move this quickly, you risk falling for the wrong person and realizing it when it’s too late. Too late could be when you’re pregnant and getting ready for the Maury show because he’s now claiming he is not the father. When you take your time and really get to know someone on a friend level and then move to intimacy, you save yourself a lot of trouble. Moving too quickly also prompts you to ignore signs. You fell for him so now you’re ignoring the fact that he never leaves his phone around you or that he always has an excuse to why you can’t come to his place but he can always come to yours. Then three months later after you’ve fallen in love with him, you find out he’s married with three kids. If you can’t slow down and date at a proper, logical pace, you’re not ready for a relationship.
3) You Think Everyone is Your Potential Soulmate: Guilty! Every guy I met could be my next relationship. I could have met him at Walmart, the gas station, or even at the club but that didn’t matter because he could be possible bae. When every man you meet is a possible soulmate, you are not ready for a relationship. This one is tricky because you may be thinking “Well why can’t I keep my eyes open to all possible suitors?” Because that means you are open for any and everybody. You are attracting all the wrong people because you have no boundaries or standards in dating so instead of getting THE one you’re getting ANY AND EVERY one. When you are truly ready for a relationship, you know exactly what you want in a man. Not that superficial stuff, but that deep soul quenching stuff. You don’t just date everybody, you pay attention and when you see those soul punching characteristics, then you give that man a chance. You don’t just date any and everybody because not all men are even worthy of your company. When you begin to date at this level, then you’re ready for a relationship.
2) You Settle for Good Enough: You’re out on your first date and you said you wanted a God fearing man who makes an honest living with no kids. Well Donte shows up and he tells you he’s an atheist with two kids and one on the way and he’s a scammer. You continue to date him because he buys you nice things and you think you can change him because he is close enough to a good man. If this is you then you are not ready for a relationship. Settling is a sign of desperation. You have given up hope that you’ll find the man that is meant for you so you have settled for good enough. Now I am not referring to the 80/20 rule where you have a great man that you know was God sent but he annoys you 20% of the time. I recognize that not every man or woman will be perfect but you have to match with someone who has a 20% flaw that you are able to deal with. But if you’re compromising over 50% of your wants then you are settling. Don’t settle, be strong enough to stand by your standards. You’ll be saving yourself a lot of wasted time because you can’t change Donte, just wait for the man whose fit for you.
1) You Don’t Know How to Be Alone: Totally cliche, I know, but this is the main reason so many people are stuck in unhappy relationships; they don’t know how to be alone. If you can’t enjoy time alone, be okay without affection, and validate yourself by focusing on just you and you alone then you are not ready to be in a relationship. Numbers 2-5 are all caused by people not having the ability to just be by themselves. We all fear lonely and it is one of the toughest battles but it can be won if we all just try. You build muscles by constant practice and exercise. The same goes for being alone. The more time you spend alone, the easier it’ll get and the stronger you’ll be on your own (See How to be Single and Content for more). You’ll get to know yourself, understand what you like and dislike, and also fall deeply in love with yourself. Once you have all those characteritics then you’ll be ready to spend your life with someone else because you’ve spent enough time with yourself.
I hope this message heals someone out there today. I continued the same dating cycles for such a long time because I thought I was ready for love but I actually wasn’t. I needed to prep myself more. If you connected with this post, then maybe you need to take a step back from dating and reevaluate some things and get yourself ready for a relationship because you aren’t quite there yet. And although I wrote from a woman’s point of view, this can very well go for men too. If you feel this message fits you then apply it and get ready for that woman who you want to spend the rest of your life with. It isn’t that you’re flawed, it could be that you’re just not ready yet.
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