“You have to be intentional with your pursuit of mending your broken heart.”
What is the equation to mending a broken heart? I’m sure no one really knows the answer to this question because it differs from person to person. Although I can’t give you an algorithm on how to properly heal a broken heart, I can give you a few tips that will help put you in the right direction. Mending a broken heart is tricky because how do you really know when it is fixed? Many can say they’re over a situation but as soon as that person’s name comes up they get butterflies or feel pure disgust. Well if you’re ready to admit that your heart is still broken and your resolution is to mend your heart in 2018, here are 5 rules to mending a broken heart.
5) It takes time and effort…I do believe that time heals all wounds but only to a certain extent. Just like faith without works is dead, time without the active pursuit of healing is dead as well. If you let three years pass after being heart broken but the entire time all you’re doing is holding in wrath and resentment towards that person, time won’t actually heal your wound. You have to be intentional with your pursuit of mending your broken heart. This will take doing things you’ve probably never done before. During this time, you will want to actively release that emotion instead of holding it in. You need to admit that you’re hurt rather than acting like it’s okay. You need to acknowledge when you’re angry and feeling like saying “f love” and work hard to delete that negative thinking. What happens many times is people don’t mend their broken heart, they hide it. They hide it behind bitterness, pride, and pure hatred for love. They don’t realize it until years have passed and they still have an icebox where their heart used to be. (I love that song yawl) Don’t be that person. To mend your heart properly, it will take some time but you must actively pursue the healing process.
4) You must forgive…There are two people that need to be forgiven in the heart mending process; that person and yourself. Many times, even if that person didn’t do anything wrong, there is still some blame there or anger. You must forgive them, even if they don’t apologize. This is done by letting go of the affliction and accepting that it happened and there isn’t anything that can be done about it now. This isn’t an easy process but it is necessary to move on. Once you have forgiven that person, you must then forgive yourself. I have the hardest time forgiving myself because I always think “You should’ve known better.” Many times, I feel I could’ve avoided the heartbreak if I would’ve just listened to my gut. But it’s life and I can’t take it back so I must forgive myself to be at peace with the broken heart.
3) Don’t play the blame game…In most situations, someone is the blame for your heartbreak but I need to ask you an important question…Who cares? How is knowing who is the blame going to help mend your broken heart? It’s not so stop rationalizing. Pointing the finger just adds more fuel to the angry fire and we want to get far away from anger as quickly as possible. Don’t blame anyone, acceptance is the goal. Accept what happened and that you’re heartbroken and start putting the pieces back together from the acceptance point. Trying to back track and figure out who did what how and when will only put you in a rabbit hole and dig you deeper and deeper into heartbreak.
2) Better is beyond you…This past Sunday, my pastor was discussing having a better life in 2018. The main point he made was many of us get so comfortable being in broken and unhappy places that we refuse to believe that better is beyond us. We think the best we can get is right in our face. That belief is a lie from the pits of hell. How many times have you thought something was the best you could do until your life was elevated? Maybe you thought your first job was the best job until you got promoted to a better position with higher pay. Or maybe you thought your first car was your best car until you got bluetooth and a backup camera. The point is, the person who broke your heart may have been great but better is coming. Once you push through this heartbreak, there is a big bowl of better right on the other side.
1) Focus on your gains rather than your losses…I am sure you’ve been focused on what you lost in this current season. You’re probably feeling lonely or feeling like you invested a lot but didn’t get a return on your investment. Well all that may be true but what did you gain? For me, most of the time I gain peace. That alone is more important than anything else. On top of peace, there’s clarity, wisdom, and focus. When I think of my past heartbreaks, I knew it was over before it was actually over so there was a lot of internal warfare. When I went through that, I had no peace. With no peace I couldn’t focus and without focus I couldn’t gain wisdom or clarity. Letting go of things that you know has run their course actually leaves you with more of a gain than a loss. Focus on the future and what you have now, not what you left behind.