5 Ghetto Lessons Learned from Tinder Swindler


“So for this reason, I got swindled out of affection, my vagina, my time, and my sanity quite often.”

The new Netflix series The Tinder Swindler has taken social media by storm because it’s so unbelievable. Well it’s actually not that unbelievable because people get scammed every single day. “Couldn’t be me” culture loves to sit on their soap box claiming to never be this naive but this thought alone is how so many get caught up in a scam. When you go through life so prideful as to think you can’t get scammed, your guard is down. You ignore warning signs and just like these unsuspecting ladies, you get got.

Simon Leviev isn’t this super unique case. He isn’t this mastermind that can’t be mimicked. He has just mastered manipulation and has no remorse so he is willing to do what it takes to get what he wants. Sadly, there are several  Simon Leviev’s scattered across these dating apps and across the world. Not all of them want you to deliver $20,000 in cash because of their enemies but they still want something. This is why you must always be aware that these type of men exist and never adopt the mindset that it’ll never happen to you. In order to help you out, 5 ghetto lessons learned from watching The Tinder Swindler.

Trust Comes Before Lust

I was born a hopeless romantic. I used to consume all the romcoms and take them to heart. I didn’t have anyone to explain that these romcoms are not based on true events and you shouldn’t base your life off of them. So for this reason, I got swindled out of affection, my vagina, my time, and my sanity quite often. After embarking upon my journey with therapy, my therapist explained something very valuable to me. She told me that my level of attachment to a person shouldn’t be higher than my level of knowledge of them. In a nutshell, you shouldn’t attach yourself to someone you don’t know. Cecilie and Pernilla both got on a plane for this man after knowing him less than 24 hours. I get it, it’s fun and adventurous but it’s also dangerous and impulsive. Your attachment and affection for this person will grow faster than your knowledge of this person because you’re being distracted by grandeur. The best way to handle these situations, especially if you genuinely want love, is to lead with your logic and not your lust. Lust has rose colored glasses, logic sees clearly. Logic says don’t get on that plane you don’t know him. Lust says yolo.

If They Lead With Money, It’s a Red Flag 

I’ve dated my share of men with high net worths. When you’ve never dated a guy with power and fortune, it’s intimidating but captivating at the same time. You want them to like you, to choose you. You want them to see you as special and not like the gold diggers you assume they are used to being around. I totally understand. But the thing I learned to pay attention to was how they presented themselves. Were they leading with their money or were they just being themselves but the money was apart of their identity? The men who were leading with their identities were usually very slow to spend large sums of money. They didn’t trust many people so they wanted to make sure you were there for them and not the things they provided. But once they trusted you, they would be there if you needed anything and would invite you out to luxury when it was a special occasion. They still never went out of  their way to prove their wealth because they didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Their bank account said it all. Then there were the men who led with money. These men were very calculated. They wanted to do big things upfront because they wanted something on the back end. Beware of these men. It’s rare that someone throws that much money and lavish in the first few weeks just because they want to get to know you. This is a manipulation tactic. Usually, these men don’t even have money. They just want to appear to have fortune so they can gain your affection in order to get whatever they want from you.

Don’t Lend What You Can’t Afford to Lose 

I can honestly say I thought everyone lived by this motto but I was wrong. I never lend what I can’t afford to lose. If I lend money, I treat it as a gift. If I get it back, great. If I don’t, great. This helps me and the other person because the last thing I want to do is have to chase someone down for an unpaid debt. Why would you put yourself in a crisis to help someone out of their crisis? There has to be a better way. And honestly, someone who really cares about you would never want to put you in a bad situation to save themselves. That’s extremely selfish and a horrible character trait. My biggest question in this documentary was why no one told Simon to ask his family and rich friends for the money. If you’re a billionaire, I assume your circle is filled with billionaires or millionaires. Why would you as me, a hundredaire, for thousands of dollars? The math ain’t mathing. I can’t help you and hurt myself at the same time. That’s lopsided, we need another plan. So before you end up owing money or late on bills because you lended money, add this rule to you way of life because it helps set boundaries to protect yourself.

Ask More Questions

I ask a lot of questions. I am an over thinker and I’m very analytical so you’re going to get asked questions. I ask questions in a workplace setting, in a romantic setting, even at leisure because I need to know details for me to be at ease. I’ve found that too many questions make people with ill intentions very uncomfortable. I’ve had men become angry with me for asking the right questions at the right time for their wrong intentions. In the past, I would stop asking in order to alleviate tension because I wanted the guy in my life more than I wanted to protect my own heart. But now, if a person gets uncomfortable with my questioning when I know I’m not being rude or offensive, I continue to ask or I just conclude that they have something to hide in which I’m 99% right in most cases. I feel if the ladies asked Simon more questions and actually listened to the answers, they would’ve known something was up. He probably would’ve even left them alone because he’d realize they weren’t easy prey. Ask as many questions as you need to in order to feel comfortable giving someone something. That something can be your time, you energy, your heart, your affection, your vagina, and most of all your money. If they want it bad enough, they’ll answer. And if they don’t, you’ll realize they never had good intentions and you dodged a bullet.

Listen to Unbiased Ears

I don’t know if these ladies had real friends but they needed to call them before sending anyone money. I have several trusted people in my life who are very wise. These people see my blindspots in times where I’m too caught up to see it myself. Everyone needs these kind of people in their life. When it’s time to make big life decisions, you call these individuals to be your logic. I would say putting a credit card in your name for a man is one of those moments. I would say sending a man $30,000 you saved for a house is one of those moments. When something feels off or you are in a high emotional state, you need an unbiased ear to be your voice of reason so you make the most logical decision. Manipulators play off of emotions so when you’re in a logical state, they can’t manipulate you. When you’re too emotional to be logical, you need unbiased ears to be your checkpoint.

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