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4 Tips For the Woman Who is Sick of Being Single

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We have officially reached the 1 year mark for being in a pandemic. I believe it’s still surreal that we are wearing masks and Lysol has yet to be fully stocked but here we are. I think we’ve seen a lot in this pandemic and much was revealed. One of the things is that people hunch a lot when they’re bored because the amount of baby bellies I’ve seen on my timeline has been pleasantly surprising. Nonetheless, we survived and things are slowly getting back to normal.

If you’re like me, you survived this entire year all by your lonesome. You went into the pandemic single and you’re leaving out of it single. It was already hard to date before this pandemic. But when you limit where people can go and jobs that were once a place to flirt and mingle are now work from home, it seems almost impossible to meet someone. We can’t forget to mention how tough it is to figure out if that random stranger at the gas station is actually cute behind that mask. With all these obstacles in a single gal’s way, I am sure most of you have reached a level of single exhaustion. Single exhaustion is being sick and tied of being sick and TIED of being single. I’ve crossed this path once, twice, thirty times. This is what helped me overcome those moments. Here are 4 tips for the woman who is sick of being single.

Think as though you are…

I’e been knocked down by love so many times that I lost count. I’ve experienced more breakups than most people I know. That is how I was able to write a book called How to X Your Ex because I unfortunately have become an expert at breakups. When you get hit with this many disappoints, a little sneaky emotion can become attached to you unknowingly; bitterness. Bitterness is disappointment linked to being treated unfairly. It’s when you start to become so turned off by something that your view of it becomes negative. That is how I began to view love. I would act fine but deep down, I was discouraged and started to believe I’d never find love. I would joke whenever someone mentioned marriage and say things like “Tuh, my man will come when I’m 65 and no longer want to date.” I posed it as a joke but that is truly what I believed. It wasn’t until a close friend told me that she worried about how negatively I viewed love. She noticed how I spoke about it from such a bitter place and suggested that I paid attention because life and death lies in the power of the tongue. Well I finally began to speak life into my love life again. I’m even believing that I’ll be engaged by the end of 2021 and I have not 1 prospect. Talk about walking by faith and not by sight. One way to overcome single exhaustion is to start speaking life into your love life. Start saying you’re going to meet your mate soon. Write down your wedding year by faith. Smile when you think about love. This will put you on a positive trajectory towards love. Think and even speak as though you are, then it shall be.

Watch what you’re consuming… 

I love me some Sir. If you’ve never heard of him, look him up. I’ve been a fan since his song D’Evils popped up on my Pandora one day. My ear is always tuned into his station and one of my favorite songs is John Redcorn. The song goes like this…

“Alone, every night alone, why am I alone when I know that you want me to to? Am I wrong, tell me that I’m wrong. Tell me I deserve all the things that  you put me through.”

Sounds pretty depressing right? I still love the song and it served a purpose when I was in a season when I needed to feel that emotion to purge sadness but I don’t want to be sad anymore. When you know you want to be in a good mood and in a positive space, you have to fill your eye and ear gates with light and positivity. I need to be listening to songs about love and happiness and watching movies about healthy relationships. If you’re trying to stop being sick of single, you can’t consume things that feed that thought and emotion. You have to feed the opposite of that.

Learn to be happy for others…

I’m not even going to lie, this was and still sometimes is my biggest struggle. Because when you’re single, it seems like every time you log onto social media, someone is on baecation or getting engaged. All you can do is stare at your screen with fire in your eyes wanting to air the whole timeline out. But I had to learn that celebrating someone else’s relationship helps me see the possibilities of mine in the future. If all I can see is hatred towards someone who has what I want, then I’m not moving in the positive trajectory. I need my mind to see me in a relationships first in order for my reality to meet it there. Be happy for others and your day for others to be happy for your new healthy relationship will come too. It costs you nothing to shift your perspective.

Take a break from the chase…

When you keep hitting roadblock after roadblock and disappointment after disappointment, sometimes you need to take a step back and regroup. If you’re constantly getting a negative outcome in dating then you’ll sadly keep ending up in the same pattern. Self-awareness is key and the beginning of every breakthrough. You can’t solve a problem if you aren’t aware that one exists. No, I am not saying there’s anything wrong with you. But I am saying there may be something wrong with your strategy. Many times there are blindspots we aren’t addressing that are keeping us single. You can’t pick up on those blindspots until you take time to sit with yourself and figure out what’s the common theme that keeps ending your dating scenarios. My biggest blindspot was attaching too soon before actually getting to know the person. I’d meet someone and get way too excited then begin to become vulnerable too soon and find out that they weren’t trustworthy. I wasn’t the issue, my strategy was. So take a minute to yourself and stop dating so you can regroup and come back with a better plan. Even if you don’t feel like you have blindspots, constant failure in dating can lead to low self-worth/self-esteem. Regardless to how much you want love or a relationship, sometimes the best next step is a step backwards.

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