When a man doesn’t have his mom present physically or emotionally, he feels as if the world did him a disservice.
The phrase “daddy issues” has been blurted out of the mouth of many men to describe a woman he feels is emotionally unstable and trying to fill the void of the father she never knew. I am all too familiar with daddy issues because I have dealt with it my entire life. What many don’t know is that this is an actual condition that has been studied by Psychologists for decades. It isn’t the lack of the father figure that affects these women, it is the lack of emotional support that the woman expected to have. Daddy issues can occur even if a young lady grew up in the home with her father. If he was a workaholic that ignored his daughter, the young lady could still develop the condition. Women who possess this typically move really quickly when dating, are quite irrational with their emotional expectations, and require too much too soon from the man they’re dating. I said all that so men won’t give me the whole “what about women with daddy issues” rebuttal when they read this post. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into what I really want to talk about…mommy issues.
Just like daddy issues plague women everywhere, mommy issues are a thing too. Just like women are affected by fathers who abandon them emotionally, so are men. When you hear songs like K Michelle You Can’t Raise a Man, she is referring to the men who have issues with their mothers. These men appear to be successful and a great catch until you actually get to know them. Then you realize it is all a facade and they are hiding behind a strong wall they’ve built to protect them from the emotional deterioration brought on by their mommy issues. Here are 3 signs you may be dating a man with mommy issues…
- Emotionally Unstable: When you think emotional instability, most think of someone who is excessively emotional. Someone who may cry all the time or who is always angry. Well that isn’t exactly what this means. Being emotionally unstable is the inability to handle certain emotions when they occur. The thing about men with mommy issues is, they seldom show extreme emotions. They are usually super nonchalant about things. The issue comes when something goes wrong. It could be the slightest disappointment and they don’t know how to handle it. They will either blow up and make a huge deal about something minor; or they will completely shut down and not discuss anything. These extremes come from their lack of practice in the emotional department. Moms are the ones who teach their boys emotional intelligence. They let them know that it is okay to be open about how you feel. Most men with mommy issues weren’t taught that lesson so they don’t know how to properly handle disagreements. They feel showing vulnerability is weak so anger or completely shutting down are their defaults. It will completely catch a woman off guard because most of the time, these men are so nonchalant. So if a man you’re dating seems to always be “okay” but anytime there’s a problem that requires an emotional response he either shuts down or blows up, you may be dating a man with mommy issues.
- Plays Victim: Have you ever met a guy that tells you about all the horrible women of his past and how they did him so wrong and how he was so perfect? Yea, me too. It is the most frustrating thing in the world. People who do this are called victims. They feel like something bad is always happening to them and they aren’t the cause of any of it. Dating a man like this is almost impossible. Anything he does becomes your fault. Sometimes it can make you feel crazy because you know that you’re right but they still find some sort of loophole to make you wrong. When a man doesn’t have his mom present physically or emotionally, he feels as if the world did him a disservice. Nothing can ever be his fault because he didn’t ask to be here and he didn’t ask for his mom to abandon him. The world owes him something in his head so he can take no responsibility for his wrongs. If this sounds familiar then you may be dating a man with mommy issues. Be really careful because these men are very manipulative. They can sell salt to a slug. They have a way of flipping words and situations. Trust your gut and challenge them. Don’t back down because if you know that YOU KNOW that you’re right, you are. Don’t let their victim bullying tear you down.
- No Direction: You ever met someone going nowhere fast? They have work ethic and ambition but they are working toward fifty million things but aren’t advancing at any of it. That’s how it feels dating a man with mommy issues. Deep down, they feel lost so they can’t seem to find their purpose or calling so they just dabble in everything. There is no stability in this. He can’t really lead if he has no direction in his own life. Having ambition and work ethic is pointless if you aren’t applying it to anything that matters. There needs to be a strategic plan set into place. If the guy you’re dating seems to be all over the place with what he wants to do with his life, he may have mommy issues.
If this describes someone you’re currently dating, I am sending major positivity your way. It is tough dating someone in this state. They will take you through a lot. If it were me, I would break off anything romantic and form a friendship before embarking upon a life journey with them. They aren’t a lost cause because they can get through their mommy issues but it is going to take work. The work begins with them because you can’t force them to do so. I would honestly tell them to seek some sort of counseling because expressing emotions for men is like pulling teeth. I was able to coach myself through daddy issue because I have a Masters in Psychology. Without that, I would still be lost. But it can be done and it so freeing on the other side. But if you choose to continue on a journey with these men, please protect yourself emotionally. Don’t lose yourself trying to help them find themselves. If you have to sacrifice yourself to find love then it isn’t worth it.